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Went to an NA meeting in SF tonight. It was marked an atheist meeting, but they still had the traditional 12 steps. Seemed odd. Anyway, I went, introduced myself, and heard the stories, all of which I related to in a very deep way. The speaker held the room without any seeming effort, and I enjoyed what he had to say about changing the way one views life. One word of advice, and I can't speak for all NA meetings, but do not drink the coffee at NA meetings. It was beyond scalding and there was only powdered creamer and refined sugar. What possessed me to drink it in the first place is beyond me. Took one sip and politely set the styrofoam cup under my chair. After the meeting, I took some of the pamphlets, and chatted with one of the members about taking the first step and how he was working on his higher power. After the meeting, I took it upon myself to get lost for an hour and a half trying to find my car. Just got home and wrote this post. Going to a meeting tomorrow, perhaps with my sister's boyfriend, who has attended meetings before. Yay me.

Great work. And looks like you've already completed the first step, so congrats! Although, I know some people will say you constantly are working on steps 1-3 throughout the program, but still, good on you!

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Thanks everyone. I am usually pretty succinct, but it was nice to write out that previous post.

Great work. And looks like you've already completed the first step, so congrats! Although, I know some people will say you constantly are working on steps 1-3 throughout the program, but still, good on you!

This seems to ring pretty fairly true. I've been struggling all day with what I'm supposed to be doing. I didn't get any numbers to call or a sponsor last night, so that's the aim tonight.

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It's constant to stay on top eh mate?!

Ya know, I remember when I was young and started dropping lots of LSD & mushrooms and shit, I did it 'cause it was fun, and ya just don't realise how quickly everything spirals out of control.

From there I started shooting amphetamine. When I realised I had an amphet problem, I started shooting smack to wean off the speed...so it was like shoot speed in the AM, shoot smack in the PM and instead of having one, now we had fuckin' two addictions to battle.

Man, a few years living like this is one thing...but I find the hardest battles it not so much the physical addictions I needed to conquer, but the integration back into "normal" society. Dealing with the Mr & Mrs Jones's of the world. When ya lived on the edge man, it's real hard to find stimulation at times. They're the times I find myself at my weakest. It took a long, long time to understand what it meant about it being "for life"...actually, I think I just started to work this out recently.

You know...you're gonna draw lots of strength from this journey mate. Embrace those positives :)

I wouldn't normally throw something so personal like this out there, but the topics here & thought....fuck it.

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And the simple answer to that is: the next right thing. If you stick around I'm sure you'll start picking up the lingo :)

There are tons of little sayings in 12-step programs. One I recall is to make 30 meetings in 30 days, which keeps you too busy to be doing what brought you there. I can still recite The Lords Prayer. They were big on getting me a sponsor, which I never got since all I wanted to do is get my license back.

Rob

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@Mick Weder Thanks a ton for the share. It means a lot. Getting back into normal life is definitely difficult. Living on the edge, or at time going past it, has really made me into a different person than I was as a kid. It started in middle school for me, when I saw the kids who were getting high and listening to underground music and wanted to get into their clique. Now, I have a few friends who aren't heavy drinkers or are trying to get sober, and it's a journey for sure.

Went to another meeting last night with my sister's boyfriend. The speaker was awesome. He was this old punk dude who went through so much, and is now going on 32 years sober and clean. His stories were very inspiring. He had some cool things to say about the whole God part of NA, which I found supportive of my own views. Saw someone who ran cross country at my high school's sister school and talked with her for a while. Going to a welcome to NA meeting tonight and a CA meeting tomorrow.

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as part of a healthy eating challenge I haven't had a drink since May 3rd.

made it a full month without drinking. younger brother's college graduation party was last Saturday so I had a few beers. Budweiser is surprising flavorful after not consuming alcohol or processed sugars for a month.

lost 9lbs of fat and gained 9lbs of muscle during the month of May. gained a lot of strength. and i could just be imagining things but i swear my tattoos look brighter.

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There are tons of little sayings in 12-step programs. One I recall is to make 30 meetings in 30 days, which keeps you too busy to be doing what brought you there. I can still recite The Lords Prayer. They were big on getting me a sponsor, which I never got since all I wanted to do is get my license back.

Rob

30 in 30 sounds like a breeze... Usually I hear 90 in 90. Some people swear by it. I think you just have to do whats best for you and constantly evaluate yourself and your needs, then adjust accordingly.

- - - Updated - - -

Also big news for me... I got accepted to an MSW program! Starting in the fall and so ready to hit the books again after a few years of mindlessly working.

And my husband and I have been struggling with our opposing schedules and the new puppy has made it challenging to find alone time together, but last night we hung out in bed and chatted for a long time before falling asleep and I had so much fun just catching up and being silly. I haven't laughed that hard in years! It's a beautiful thing having a life partner. I highly recommend it! :)

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I've never done anything like this and I need to figure out exactly how I'm going to do it, but it should be a lot of fun.

Judging from my past attendance at other beer tastings, you will also have the distinct advantage of teaching tipsy students. Typically they are quite forgiving, as long as your resource material continues to flow.

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I just wanted to chip in to the conversation about 12 step program's. My dad has been in the AA program for about 6 years now and it has given him and his family something I never thought possible. It's not just about stopping the using (although of course that's the primary focus) but it's like Mick said, the drugs or the booze become so internal over years and years that suddenly relating it the outside world sober can see really difficult. There's an expression for that in the rooms which is a 'dry drunk' and I've seen it with my uncle who hasn't touched a drink in 20 years and hasn't smiled or laughed once in that time either.

Anyway I just wanted to voice my support @MadeIndelible, you've started down a road that really can transform your life - and it's a fucking brave thing. 'It works if you work it, so work it!'

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my uncle who hasn't touched a drink in 20 years and hasn't smiled or laughed once in that time either

This is exactly (I think) what Myles meant when referring to how this shit changes you, and you just become a person that's different to how you were when once young.

I have memories being as young as 9 (in the late '70's) when the Heroin epidemic was rife in this country, & watching a current affair programs with my mum about the numbers of young people falling victim to smack.

It scared the fuck outta me and remember crying like a fuckin baby & saying to me mum how I never wanted to be like them...with me mum telling me that people only end up becoming what they choose to become.

She was fuckin' right, I did make that choice.

I also see now after all these years how hardened it even made my poor mum & dad.They're still alive & live next door to us, and for the 1st time ever, we talk openly about the very beginnings at age 15...the bars & strip clubs, the drugs & alcohol, the violence, the disappearing for weeks on end to like surface for a day or 2, then the cycle starting all over again...and that emptiness that clouds over you at times, ha! a lot of the time is the exact same look that comes from the old girls face, as she had to deal with the same pain from a mothers perspective. We never, ever talked about this shit until sort of recently when out of the blue she asked me just one question. "What did I do wrong which made us loose you all them years ago"? For the last 31 years, she finally plucked the courage to ask that 1 question. That's when it hits home to you how much damage this shit really causes. My old man on the other hand, like the day I turned 40, looks me in the eye, shakes me by the hand and just simply says "how ya fuckin made it this far mate has simply just got me fucked". A statement like that holds just as much power ya know, because that draws out that smile that's so desperately needing to surface...even for just that couple of seconds.

Within the last 72 hours, I've had an old mate who came a "pick" away from ending it all because of that internal struggle. Thank fuck he's in a safe place receiving treatment. He said to me today...when ya hit rock bottom brother and end up in a place like this, you realise who your real friends are...faaark all.

This interaction here talking about this shit has been a very positive outlet. Thank you. @MadeIndelible...keep that network happening mate, and @jimmyirish said, work it!

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like the day I turned 40, looks me in the eye, shakes me by the hand and just simply says "how ya fuckin made it this far mate has simply just got me fucked".

I gotta say Mick, reading that last post got me a little choked. Especially the stuff about your dad, i had the exact same conversation but in reverse i supposed. I remember sitting in a coffee shop with my dad, looking at him a year sober and saying to him 'how the fuck are you still alive you old bastard!' and we both stood up and hugged. It was almost as if in that moment all the anger and resentment about his behavior over the years fell away, and i was just happy to have him there, this old red faced bastard - my dad.

heavy stuff for the internet! Still its good to talk, and even better to listen. Thanks for that @Mick Weder

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