gougetheeyes

Relationships and tattoos

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@pidjones congrats

wife and i hit 20 years in july

my wife has not tattoos either

i would love for her to get one - even if just to have some understanding of the whole thing

but anyway its cool - she doesnt necessarily encourage me to get more tattoos

but she understands now that its a part of who i am

 

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@pidjones congratulations to both of you! 

I've been with my husband for nearly 18 years, and one of the very first things we did together was to get a couple of tiny tattoos (tight student budget but that's probably a good thing, who knows what crappy tattoos I'd have now otherwise), followed by the dreaded name tattoos a couple of years later. We'd both always wanted more but somehow they never seemed to materialize until I got another one on holiday a couple of years back, and three more over the past year. My problem is too many ideas, his is too few :D but he's finally settled on getting his first large-ish one next month and I'm really looking forward to it as well. I hope that by now he has realized that I'm probably not going to stop getting tattoos unless I run out of space or money...

 

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If my partner had a problem with my tattoos I would soon have a problem with him, haha. Already had a couple when we got together but just don't think he cares that much. I used to talk over ideas with him and worry about what he would think but I've moved past that train of thought - my body, not his.

I keep showing him tattoos I've seen that I think would suit him and always get not much more than a grunt in return. 

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On 14-6-2016 at 7:38 PM, marley mission said:

@pidjones congrats

wife and i hit 20 years in july

my wife has not tattoos either

i would love for her to get one - even if just to have some understanding of the whole thing

but anyway its cool - she doesnt necessarily encourage me to get more tattoos

but she understands now that its a part of who i am

 

It took 20 years?! Darn, i need to start right now

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This is more like FAMILY relationships and tattoos, but I had a new one last night. My sister and I have both been married a long time, me 25 yrs and she 22. We live a few blocks from each other and our families are very close, so we hang out a lot together and at this point my BIL is literally like a flesh and blood brother to me. He's a musician and not a prude, and has tattoos of his own, though he considers them to be part of his misspent youth. He's got an open mind, anyway, and we get along great.

Last night we arrived for the usual Sunday evening cookout type thing my sister has in the summer, at the requested time, and one of her son's friends had dropped by unexpectedly with his father to just say hello and introduce himself. We show up, and introductions were made. 

After they left, my BIL was clearly a bit flustered, laughing awkwardly and smacking his forehead about the timing of it, that he was meeting a parent that he wanted to impress (that he had a safe and secure home for his boy to come and play, etc.) and here I come, "with all your tattoos" and one of my teenaged daughters had buzzed her hair off, and we were looking really "edgy." I have never been in that position with my BIL before, ever, where I felt like I was unwelcome, or that my presence might mess things up for him in his other friendships and relationships. He may have just been joking and I'm taking it a bit more seriously than I should, but it was new. My husband told me I need to get used to that kind of thing, and I suppose he's right! 

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@LizBee, I agree it was probably a joke. Maybe a little insensitive or maybe just a bad day for you, but it doesn't sound like it was meant to be hurtful.

On the subject of families and tattoos...my mom has begrudgingly accepted that I'm tattooed and will continue to get tattoos (even after I called her right after my last thigh piece's session saying "OH MY GOD, I'm so exhausted, my body's going into shock, I'm never getting tattooed again" and then I got another one a couple weeks later :8_laughing:). The other day though she actually suggested getting some kind of flower underneath my traditional butterfly. I made fun of her for a while afterwards for "giving her permission."

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Don't you love it when people in your life who initially oppose the idea of you getting tattoos "come around," then engage with you on the subject and can see it from a new perspective? 

I can't really blame them - you are changing your appearance in a somewhat drastic way, and for people who are used to seeing you frequently, especially parents and siblings, who have been looking at your your whole life, to have your looks changed overnight is startling. I am going through this with my teenagers. When my daughter wanted to buzz her head, not to the skin but close, I was resistant initially (on the inside) because this is my daughter, and I'm used to seeing her with her hair, the hair that I love, and I'm her mama, blah blah blah.... but when she did it, it looks FAN-effing-TASTIC and now I can see her beautiful face and there's no hair blocking her bone structure, blah blah blah, lol.

Same with tattoos. The people in our lives have to adjust to seeing us looking different, like if we got plastic surgery, cut our hair off, dyed our hair, etc. Just like we have to get used to looking at ourselves in the mirror. When I get a new tattoo it takes a while to not do a bit of a double-take when I catch myself in the mirror, so we need to cut people some slack, lol

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I hope my grandma (who is otherwise very open minded & has always supported me and any decisions I've made) comes around like your mom @Synesthesia. I've gotten three relatively large visible tattoos over the past year after being "tattooed" to a lesser extent for over 17 years, and after each one she goes like "but you don't really NEED to get any more now, do you?". Actually, I still haven't dared to tell her about the latest one :D (we live in different countries so we don't see each other often apart from Skyping). I joke with the hubby&kids about getting a tattoo of her telling me I don't need any more tattoos lol. 

It will be a fun visit back home for my brother's wedding in August I guess :D.

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I was approaching middle age when my mom saw my first visible tattoo (I already had one that she didn’t know about). She just sort of exaggeratedly rolled her eyes and shook her head, but had a smile on her face and wasn't judgmental. But I started getting more and more she just couldn’t comprehend it, and there was a period when she wondered if I had gone wacko. She kept saying “Why?” and “I just don’t understand.” But she was never rude or judgmental. She truly just didn’t understand why. It was just beyond her ability to process. I think we who are tattooed (especially if we have a lot of coverage) can easily forget how different we look, or how extreme it may seem to others to go through the pain of a large tattoo.

 

But even as she struggled with accepting my tattoos, Mom always complimented the artistry of my pieces, and never criticized.  She eventually got accustomed to the “changed me,” and accepted it. What is interesting is that she is now at a point where she makes an effort to point out people with interesting tattoos to me, and even has made an effort to learn a little bit about the subject. And quite honestly she has developed a pretty good eye for quality work.

 

And her reactions demonstrate that you can be uncomfortable with tattoos, or not understand the motivation, yet still be polite and respectful.

Edited by soraya

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I was going to make a new topic but then i remembered this one exists...

So, the strangest thing just happened. My girlfriend sent me a picture of her brand new tattoo and I was dumbfounded. Its upside down! Now, I'm a fairly tattooed guy and I never even considered she could make this mistake because her other work is quality stuff and we have talked about tattoos a bunch since its important to both of us. But there it is, and its upside down. I didnt even know what to say so I didn't mention the upside downedness of it immediately. I just wanted to let her be happy about her new tattoo, but to be honest now i dont know how to bring it up without insulting her. Luckily its a small thing near her wrist and easily covered if she want to do that, but I'm pretty sure just mentioning it is going to be a big fight and i cant hold my tongue either....

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3 hours ago, NihilNovum said:

I was going to make a new topic but then i remembered this one exists...

So, the strangest thing just happened. My girlfriend sent me a picture of her brand new tattoo and I was dumbfounded. Its upside down! Now, I'm a fairly tattooed guy and I never even considered she could make this mistake because her other work is quality stuff and we have talked about tattoos a bunch since its important to both of us. But there it is, and its upside down. I didnt even know what to say so I didn't mention the upside downedness of it immediately. I just wanted to let her be happy about her new tattoo, but to be honest now i dont know how to bring it up without insulting her. Luckily its a small thing near her wrist and easily covered if she want to do that, but I'm pretty sure just mentioning it is going to be a big fight and i cant hold my tongue either....

Sometimes you just have to let it go. It's a tattoo and you well know that makes it permanent, so don't insult your girlfriend. Nobody wants to hang around the person who criticizes their tattoos. It's equivalent to pointing out someone's physical flaws, only you're calling them stupid at the same time, because they chose to do this.

Say something like that looks solid, or nice linework and move on, for your own sake :)

 

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On 06/14/2016 at 9:06 AM, Gingerninja said:

I've been with my guy for 26 years - over half of my life. I was always crystal clear about my desire to be tattooed. My husband doesn't have tattoo's nor will he ever. But let me just say this...my tattoo's are proving to be better than Viagra. Huzzah!

Hey, fellow woman with an untattooed partner!  It's cool that it's working out for you guys. 

I tease my BF pretty often about what an ideal backpiece back he has (broad-shouldered, perfect skin).  If ever a back were made for a violent tengu slaughter, or a battle royale...

Edited by polliwog

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Hey @polliwog. Truth, right? My hubby had never set foot in a tattoo shop until Friday, much less seen anyone getting tattooed. He was fascinated by the process but really shy about watching anyone getting tattooed. He wanted to respect their privacy... such a sweetheart. In February, he'll be with me at least for part of my apt with Dobleman. It will be interesting to see how he handles it. LOL.

I was TOTALLY teasing him about getting a giant eagle in his chest...

 

 

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When my wife and I met in the late 1960s, we had no interest in tattoos. We were still dating a few years later, when articles about tattooing started to pop up in magazines and newspapers, and I was becoming interested. I struck up a conversation with her about it, and she jumped in, suggesting that we get matching tattoos. I had started to think that tattoos on women were rather attractive, so I thought it was quite cool that she wanted one. But I was also quite shocked, because (I’m embarrassed to confess here that I thought this) I didn’t think she “was the type of girl would would get a tattoo!”

Today, she has four tattoos, I stayed at one + some background added a few years later, until I recently started planning a back piece. 

Today I look at those first tattoos on me, and on her and I smile. Its hard to explain. They are still there over 40 years later, after everything we have gone through, a constant. It really means something. And I’m glad she was “the type of girl who would get a tattoo,” because I still do find them quite attractive on women, and it has been sort of “icing on the cake” for us. 

Looking back, I realize it was amazingly serendipitous that I connected with a woman at that time, when tattoos were pretty rare, who would want to have tattoos, even though tattooing was not on the radar for either of us when we met. I feel kind of lucky. It is hard to imagine not being with her. But if something were to happen to her and I had to form a new relationship with someone, I’m tempted to say that she would have to be tattooed, partly because I find that attractive, but also to understand me, and why I want a back piece. But at my age, there are not a lot of tattooed sixty-something ladies out there, and relationships are so much complex than that, that I’m not sure it is realistic to put that kind of limitation on choice of partner. Comments here reinforce that plainskins and tattooed folks can have great relationships.

... and @Gingerninja - Like Viagra? Yup...

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If you must get a tattoo with someone's name, make the lines as thin as possible.  If the relationship doesn't work out you could have someone tattoo over it with something else.

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3 hours ago, Kracov said:

If you must get a tattoo with someone's name, make the lines as thin as possible.  If the relationship doesn't work out you could have someone tattoo over it with something else.

No one ever must get any tattoo, well at least outside of Russian prisons. So if you are going to get someone's name make it bold as hell because you love you mom or kid that much!!! Or delicate and beautiful, just saying don't get a name thinking you may want to cover it one day, that's just dumb.

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I'm in love with a fully covered girl. She and I had a falling out this year, and I fell off a roof after getting thrown out of a bar that she wasn't supposed to be at, since I was a regular there, and ever since we spoke and met at a dinner event, she has demonized dive bars

 

I've been plaguing my mind with ways to express that tattooed people often seek normality in others, but we have such a place in the "not for everyone" spectrum of life, that I missed a night to ask her on a second date. She knows it, and won't ever let me forget, but that's just how I was brought up, to never let my desire, as a lesser, still heavily as in dedication and perserverance tattooed individual, let a fight between adults get me back to remembering how and why I lost out.

 

Eh, I think it was @beez who said a couple of years ago, forgive my anonimity here, but I've been around since the start of LST, I just wish to keep this open yet closed, that it takes balls to date a tattooed woman. And, it does. I've spent nights out in the cold because of this woman, and she won't ever err me for it like my exes. 

 

The first and last of dating in tattooism.

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