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Carmelita

Not liking my new Tattoo, panic attacks

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Hi there. So one thing happend which I thought will never happen. After waiting for more than 15 years I finally had a big back piece done about a month ago. I've had 2 smaller ones before and I just had a beautiful cover up of one of those just recently and I absolutely love it. I chose the design carefully and it represents a lot to me from where it comes from and it's a style I really like. 
However, now that I have it I currently think it's the worst thing I've done. It's not the artists fault, it's my fault as I chose the design. Now it's on my back and it's big and with black dense color, so the chances to get it removed are probably not very big and if so it will be a very long and painful journey. 

I can't really focus on things and get panic attacks, I can't really sleep and I'm just nervous all the time. Now I think my kids will be embarrassed of me one day and that other people think I'm ridiculous to have done something like this. I am now in panic that me and my body will age and I will regret it very much. This doesn't sound like me at all. I'm usually very confident and I usually don't care what others think of me and I'm usually trying to live my life and have a very positive attitude about it.
My husband loves it, my friends tell me it's very me and that it's beautiful, sexy and bolt. 
I have a few moments I like it but then the panic and anxiety starts again and I think all people around me have nice bare skin.
I hope it will grow on me as I do like the design and I would love seeing it on somebody else. So what is happening in my mind? Is it that it's so big, so black? Is it that I changed my body and it will look different to me now as well as to others?

It's really hard dealing with those messed up feelings right now. I love tattoos, I love tattooed people. Is there anyone who had the same feelings and started to actually love their tattoo? I set up a meeting for laser removal. I know I should own that tattoo and have the right attitude about it but I'm seriously struggling with it. 

Any help and uplifting words are very appreciated

 

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first of all that tattoo is fuckin awesome. sorry you are experiencing that though. while not having full blown panic attacks, I’ve had similar experiences with bigger pieces. i’ve never been one of  those people that gets a tattoo and is immediately so psyched and wow’d by it, it takes me some time to love it, hate it, and get used to it. i think the risk, feelings,  and change process is part of the art in a lot of ways. i would try to give it some time. everything in life is impermanent, including our bodies, minds, feelings, and thoughts. hang in there. and again that tattoo rocks.

Edited by fortnightofwar

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Thanks for the words. It helps. And I still think it's a unique tattoo. I just really don't like this feeling and what it does to me. I just hope my mind and body will accept it as part of me. I want to feel great when it will become "visible" now in summer....

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I won't get the rest of my back done but I thought about about having the tattoo on my right arm covered up with something "soft" in order to get some good balance to the whole picture. 

That was the original idea anyway. I'm feeling a little calmer and I hope it's getting better. 

It is good to know that my decision doesn't seem to be a huge mistake and that hopefully for now it's just my mind being weird. 

 

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31 minutes ago, Carmelita said:

Yes it is. And yes the mind seriously goes weird. I assume you once made a similar experience?

 

 

I did, for sure. But I got over it. Now I have A LOT more large tattoos and my whole right arm is covered.

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Well I really hope I get over it. I'm still torn between loving and hating it. But as I said, removal wouldn't help it. 
My goal though only would be to balance it out with something on my upper right arm, although I love seeing a lot of tattoos on other people. 
How long did it take you to get over it? I know it's individual....

 

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56 minutes ago, Carmelita said:

Well I really hope I get over it. I'm still torn between loving and hating it. But as I said, removal wouldn't help it. 
My goal though only would be to balance it out with something on my upper right arm, although I love seeing a lot of tattoos on other people. 
How long did it take you to get over it? I know it's individual....

 

well, be careful LOL, the addiction is strong !  I got it really bad.

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2 hours ago, Carmelita said:

Well I really hope I get over it. I'm still torn between loving and hating it. But as I said, removal wouldn't help it. 
My goal though only would be to balance it out with something on my upper right arm, although I love seeing a lot of tattoos on other people. 
How long did it take you to get over it? I know it's individual....

 

I wouldn't do anything until you come to terms with your tattoo. It's very nice and I've seen a lot of people make things worse, not better when they rush to try to fix something. I've never had tattoo remorse so I can't relate, but you have a really solid piece that will stand the test of time. It's not like you got a monkey humping a football, or something stupid. Even if you don't grow to love it, it's not something you need to be embarrassed about. It's solid work, a solid design and you should wear it proudly.

Edited by Hogrider

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Yes I know I have to be patient and let it settle before doing anything else this includes the thought of removing it or having another (big)  one ;-).

 Thank you all so much for your replies. I think this might really help me in my current process of letting the tattoo become part of me and my identity. 
 

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@Carmelita Yeah with my first big piece, that was many years ago now. Now for me, big pieces are kinda the norm. It takes 4 weeks for your body to heal after a tattoo, especially after a big piece. It can take that time for your mind to adjust to the change with your body. Sometimes longer. Don't be in a rush to judge your decision. Give it time.

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7 hours ago, purplelace said:

@Carmelita Yeah with my first big piece, that was many years ago now. Now for me, big pieces are kinda the norm. It takes 4 weeks for your body to heal after a tattoo, especially after a big piece. It can take that time for your mind to adjust to the change with your body. Sometimes longer. Don't be in a rush to judge your decision. Give it time.

Tattoo has nicely healed of which I'm glad. But yes, it for sure takes time to get used to it. I just always wanted tattoos. Now I'm a Mom of 2 and around 40. I just always admired tattoos so much I just never thought you could feel bad about having them. I mean, I planned it for a long time but I just didn't think this could happen. 
I will give it time. Thank you! 

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I think it's beautiful and stunning.  I love it's placement and that it is only on half of your back (I love asymmetry).  I can relate to your tattoo remorse.  I am also a mom in my 40s and recently got my first and second tattoos.  Both times I had a little freak out, but I grew to love them.  For me it definitely took a some time to feel like they were my tattoos and part of me.  I hope that you will grow to love it because it really does look amazing, strong & powerful.

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Thank you so much for those words and your opinion. I'm getting more and more confident about it. I think ever since I became a mom some things changed. My anxiety is a bit less now and I hope this process is over soon. It's just weird this happens, I never heard of it. Again, thanks for the words.

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On 4/26/2018 at 8:04 AM, Carmelita said:

Now I think my kids will be embarrassed of me one day

When they're teenagers, they'll be embarrassed of you no matter what for a few years! :)

(Even with that cool tattoo you have.)

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