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Woman allegedly tries to cut tattooed name off man Read more: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2010/11/15/national/a121628S66.DTL#ixzz15PnmL74Y (11-15) 17:02 PST Lincoln, Neb. (AP) -- Lincoln police said a woman tried to slice a tattoo of her name off her boyfriend's neck. Capt. Anthony Butler told the Lincoln Journal Star that the 19-year-old woman and her 30-year-old boyfriend had gotten into a dispute around 6:40 p.m. on Friday. That's when she tried to cut off the tattoo. Butler said the boyfriend suffered only minor injuries, mostly scratches. Other details were not available. ___ Information from: Lincoln Journal Star, www.journalstar.com Read more: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2010/11/15/national/a121628S66.DTL#ixzz15Po0jC00
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This one made me lol extra hard.
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BIRDMAN Or a day in the life of a tattooist in 1978 At 4pm the sun was shinning nearly dead even into the window of the small tattoo shop on Kennedy Boulevard speaking of dead it was located just opposite the car rental that rented the white van to the first unsuccessful bombers of the World Trade Towers. Union City, NJ was not exactly exotic like Bombay nor was it cool like NYC for that matter it didn’t even seem like New Jersey it was more like little Cuba. Run by a soon to be convicted for corruption and extortion Italian wise guy, the not so honorable Mayor Musto. The windows in question, where the sun was about to cook through, were grayish and gritty. Despite the efforts of the proprietor, that’s me by the way, to clean them often. I suspected it was probably from the crematorium just a few blocks up the boulevard. It gave me pause to think of somebody’s grandfather dusted across my window. So I always said “excuse me folks” when I washed it off and wished them a quick trip over the river Styx. Although it could have been the carbon burning traffic on this snake like road, it was constant and as loud as two young Italian wannabe wise guys yakking up stories of hitting and robbing the trains in the transfer station in North Bergin and wanting to trade stolen goods for tattoos. This strip down to Staten Island on the NY side was much later to be the haunted holy grounds of The Sopranos’ Godfather Tony. It’s not what you think, a typical scummy little tattoo shop in a grimy small town in New Jersey. It was a small piece of heaven in 1978 for me. “Clean enough to eat off the floors” I’d say. The shop was only 12 feet across and 25 feet long and it held the universe. From the moment I opened the doors I had so much business I almost couldn’t handle it. I became fast friends with the local Santero, A Santeria Priest for those of you of the white bread persuasion. After that I was gold in the Cuban Community they watched out for me Cooked for me invited me to salsa dances and got tattooed as penance or prayers Santa Barbara, St Lazarus, Cryptic scrawl of Santeria spells all became my tween worlds my bread and butter. I was being taught to speak enough Spanish to ask what color and how much do you want to spend by a young lovely young Cuban woman without dancing legs in a wheel chair who sat with a talking Parakeet on her right shoulder that spoke more Spanish than I could, after four months I quit. Speaking of Spanish speaking birds and other oddities of living in the land of the Mariolettos (Cubans let out of prisons and insane asylums a gift from Castro for the US State Department to give visas too. the Set on rickety boats to America. Those who made the crossing also made their way from Miami FL to Union City NJ. What was I saying? oh yes, I have to pull on your coat about the Birdman. I had a slow day doing a couple of cryptic Santeria tattoos on friends of the local Santero. I was buzzing away on the last one when it started. I had a wall separating the tattoo area from the front and a small security mirror to see who came through the door. I heard this chirping. I was thinking it was a bird found it’s way into my shop. I looked up to the to see him, this guy chirping away. First long chirps with pause then rolling chirps all connected together. He was wearing a cut off yellow windbreaker with out the usual wife beater shirt, and ripped jeans. I called over the wall “I’ll be right with you pal.” He just stuttered out another bird song. Completing the tattoo I was doing, I collected my fee and walked through the door to the front. “So what’s up?” He pivoted, pulling down the jacket zipper turning his naked to the waist and tan lined body to me smelling of High Karate, yelling, he was, “THE BIRDMAN!” To prove it he had it emblazoned across his his back from shoulder to shoulder in eight inch tall Old English letters tattooed, that read, B-I-R-D-N-A-N! I say calmly, “OK Birdman, never acknowledging the eight inch missing M, What can I do for you.” Pointing to a blank spot among the small bird tattoos wallpapering his arm, he said, rattling through his nose. “Well! What do you think? I want a bird tattoo right here.” There were birds the likes of hummingbirds as big as eagles and chickadees larger than crows, no accounting for scale, style, or skill. Although, he was working hard to fill with birds in every open space. Sort of like the driving style of New Jersey drivers if there is a space you fill it. He shows me the picture of a whippoorwill whilst chirping the whippoorwills’ song or so he claimed. I never having seen or heard a whippoorwill took his word for it. During the tattoo he entertained me by singing no less than 50 songs of various birds of North America, all while chewing on sunflower seeds. I didn’t bother putting on the stereo. Someone else came through the door, as I was finishing up the tattoo. Birdman was donning his windbreaker; I strolled to the front to chat up the next client. He passed me singing a sad bird refrain and smiled and whispered passing. “I’m the Birdman…” The new customer and I walk to the work area. I look down to the clients black leather chair and there to my astonishment where Birdman was sitting, was a three inch,golden foil covered, chocolate egg!- 4 replies
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http://insideroute128.blogspot.com/2010/10/chopstick-murphys-bostons-first-irish.html
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As an early christmas gift to myself, I went out and bought The Comedians Of Comedy with Patton Oswalt, Brian Posehn, Zach Galifianakis, and Maria Bamford. Its super funny and it made me want to share it for some reason. Anyone have a favorite comedian? Also, don't mind the spelling. Ive had a lot of sothern comfort and hot wings.
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Just watched the first Episode... What a wonderful show. Stays true to the comic for the most part (at least in the first show). What is everyone else's thoughts on this show???
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I thought I was the only one who felt this way... NOVEMBER 17--Like most Americans, Steven Cowan has been perplexed by Bristol Palin’s curious ability to keep advancing in TV’s "Dancing with the Stars" competition. However, unlike other viewers, Cowan, 67, allegedly became so enraged by Palin’s success that he actually fired a shotgun round into his television, triggering a 15-hour standoff with Wisconsin cops. According to a criminal complaint, Cowan’s wife called police Monday evening to report that her husband had blasted the TV and was threatening to kill himself. Cowan, who had been drinking, became angry while watching Palin, 20, perform on the ABC program. As Palin, pictured at left, was dancing, Cowan “jumped up and swore, saying something to the effect of, ‘The fucking politics.’ Steven was upset that a political figure’s daughter was dancing on this particular show when Steven did not think that she was a good dancer,” the complaint notes. Cowan is pictured in the above mug shot. Janice Cowan told Dane County Sheriff's Office deputies that she called 911 after her husband blasted the TV and then pointed the shotgun at her. She added that Cowan warned her that he would kill himself if she brought anyone back to their home in the town of Vermont. After a lengthy standoff with cops, Cowan surrendered yesterday at 11 AM. He is facing disorderly conduct and weapons charges. He was sitting in the Dane County jail last night when Palin landed a spot in the “Dancing with the Stars” finals. However, a sheriff’s spokesperson told TSG that Cowan “currently does not have access to television.” (3 pages)
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Somebody sent this to me in an email and I cried laughing, so i just had to post it here and maybe it will make you guys laugh too! ..... I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter? Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk. The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again. Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with? Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft. I cannot stress how great of need there is for a "sarcasm" font. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f**k was going on when I first saw it. I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it. The other night I hit a new low at an open bar. I was already blackout drunk when, inevitably I had to find a bathroom. Eventually I decided it was probably on the other side of the bar so I tried to walk over there, but ran into a guy coming the other way. We played that, both go left, then both go right game to no avail, so I finally put out my hand to guide myself past and that's is when I realized, yup, that's a mirror I just tried to walk through. And the guy on the other side is me. Even cats can recognize their own image. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately completely erase your computer's hard drive if you die. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text. A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it. Was learning cursive really necessary? LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say". I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying. My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart". How many times do you find it's appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said? I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent an a-hole from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers! Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies" What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other? While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night." I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. Bad decisions make the best stories. Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do! If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem.... You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever. I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?' I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Da*nit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away? When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes. Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles... As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. I think that if, years down the road when I'm trying to have a kid, I find out that I'm sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college. Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my a*s everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time... My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that? It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text. I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
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Car thief yells at mom for leaving toddler unattended 171 It's a crazy world out there. A young mother goes fishing at the beach with her 2-year-old son and her boyfriend in Galveston, Tex. The couple decides it's too cold for the toddler so the mom sticks him in the car, turns on the heater, and heads back to the beach where her boyfriend is trying to catch a big one. A homeless man walks by and he decides to steal that car, and drives away, not realizing there's a child inside. When the thief sees the toddler, he drives back to the beach, finds the couple, and yells at the mom for leaving her child alone in the car. The homeless man then runs off. The district attorney decided not to file charges against the woman and her boyfriend for leaving the child in the car, according to Click2Houston.com.
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Burger King receipt says thanks the mean way by KTAR.com (November 17th, 2010 @ 3:50pm) http://media.bonnint.net/az/24/2414/241470.jpg Two employees of a California Burger King were fired after a customer complained about a message on his receipt. According to nbcbayarea.com the man ordered his food at a Sacramento restaurant only to discover the note on his receipt. Sacramento resident Francisco Perez told KCRA TV after ordering food at the Sacramento restaurant, he noticed his receipt read "f--- you" in the area that would normally say "thank you." The four-letter profanity was spelled out not once, but twice. Upon learning of this Burger King Corporation and the franchisee who owns the restaurant fired both the manager and employee responsible.
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this story is so bizarre...from the drunk backflip challenge to the stabbing... http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2010/09/17/national/a110139D03.DTL&tsp=1
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Since most of you are in the "Art" community, I figured you would all love this dude. You all have probably heard of this guy, but its worth it for the people who have not. Brandon Bird paints some of the most ridiculous pictures, and creates the one and only Law and Order: SVU Valentines Day cards. My favorite is Letters to Walken. No need to explain. Just go look. http://www.brandonbird.com/walken_letters.html My favorite.
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I don't know if this classifies as "funny" but it sure is fun. I love this guy!
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http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/reyeschow/detail?entry_id=72177
