soraya

Thanks for the thoughtful responses :). I think this might be a step for him because my other tattoos are on my legs, not near such an 'important' area haha. @pidjones I think it is the placement that is his main concern, as I already had two tattoos when I met him, as well as my septum and several other piercings. I've never really looked 'plain'. His mum is a little conservative but his family wouldn't really affect anything like that. And thanks @marley mission, it sounds like a good idea to have a discussion about exactly where is issues with the tattoo lilye and hopefully we can work something out. I definetly have plenty of other ideas that I can focus on first haha.
@scubaron I got my first tattoo on my birthday in August and I have three now, I don't think it's excessive if you have lots of ideas; I have so many ideas that have been going through my head for ages and the only thing slowing me down is the funding.

I recently expressed the desire to get a small traditional style crystal tattooed on my chest, pretty much right in between the 'girls' to my boyfriend, and he scrunched his face up at the idea. When we met I already had two on my thigh, and recently got another above my ankle that I had planned since before we started dating. I have always planned to keep getting tattooed, and never really considered his opinion before when it came to getting them (it is a relatively new relationship and I have only recently begun to discuss ideas with him). I feel the way that others who have posted on the subject do, that while I retain ownership of my body if its something he's going to hate looking at I don't want to cause a rift, but at the same time its something I really wanted to di, even before I met him.

There is this really fantastic book I read last year as part of my research for something else I'm writing that discusses the concept of identity as neuroscience understands it in great detail, at a layman's level. It's called The Self Illusion, by Bruce Hood, and it draws many of the same conclusions about the myth of identity as the article.
While the conclusions he draws are still contested in some circles, I don't think there's more evidence against them than there is for them. The 'tl;dr' take-away is that identity is an extremely vulnerable construct assembled from countless exterior pressures and events, organized into a narrative that our brains tell us in order to help us make sense of new information. It does this with an aim toward efficiency and survival, rather than accuracy; it's remarkable how fallible human memory can be (and memory can be entirely overwritten or altered with astonishing ease). It's this way by design, though; these things make us adaptable to new circumstances, more resilient in overcoming traumas, etcetera. There is no little person inside of us with a set register of traits, operating switches and levers in us with pre-defined consistency. We are an accumulation of impulses defined by experience, and what we think we know or feel about those experiences is more malleable than we realize.
One of the central points of the book insofar as the studies it uses is that it's extremely easy to challenge even the most dominant values and beliefs of someone's identity under the right conditions, social pressures being what they are. Given the right parameters, a person will do things they'd never believe themselves capable of otherwise -- for better or worse. It could be that the fast and furious pace of social pressures we're experiencing these days via social media are responsible for causing people to seek out ways to define themselves in a more lasting manner...
...but it could also be that the fast and furious pace of social pressures we're experiencing these days via social media are pressuring people to get tattoos who wouldn't otherwise get them. This, I think, is a point the article probably glosses over too handily. People polish up the details of their lives and shovel them onto facebook, instagram, pinterest, and other people sit around judging their own lives based on these idealized representations from others. Someone still trying to figure out who they are spends six hours a day on pinterest, imagining what their life could be like, and somehow a dandelion-turning-into-birds tattoo becomes part of the landscape of social pressures that they're using to define themselves. It could have less to do with a lack they're filling, in other words, than a lack created by this idealized lifestyle they're constantly consuming.
This is a long and rambling post, I know. I do think it's relevant to tattoos, and other people's reactions to tattoos, though; I think there's something very interesting about imposing permanent images on one's self, and folding them into your self-image, regardless of whether they have deliberate meaning or not. Inevitably they'll commemorate something, even if that isn't why they were gotten; even if that something is just the moment in time at which they were tattooed, and even if that moment in time wasn't special for any reason other than that the tattoo was being done. And that act -- commemoration, deliberate or otherwise -- is definitely a thing. The word itself revolves around memory, after all, and memory is the essential thing from which we construct identity. The tattoo is permanent, the memory consequently more likely to stick around, and I suppose that could matter, even if we never intended it to.
Speaking generally, people tend to view permanent things with some wariness. I think they do that for a lot of reasons, but one of those reasons may be that it affixes them to some identity or other. People are prone to being heavily influenced by the social opinions and trends of others, obviously, and I think people don't like the idea of being trapped by any given identity. It makes them nervous. It feels final, and that finality is not conducive to adapting to the social fabric that surrounds us. I can understand why someone might look at a tattoo and be bewildered by the choice to mark one's self in a way that makes being a social chameleon less easy to do. They probably find that viscerally strange, even setting aside the social implications from earlier decades.
...which makes it interesting, to me, that so many people embrace deliberately changing themselves in such a permanent way. I can't think of many other ways that a person can change themselves with such permanent intention. You can make lifestyle changes, sure, but they're usually internal...certainly not so publicly observable.
Don't get me wrong, here...I'm not suggesting that tattoos necessarily change anything about the tattooed individual, or that the choice to be tattooed necessarily indicates anything deeper than the desire to just get a really awesome tattoo. I just think it probably can, given what we know about how human beings create their sense of self, and I find it really fascinating to think about what a unique relationship tattoos could have with the way our own subconscious forms our narrative of identity. I think there's probably something special about the mental attitude of anyone who can fearlessly embrace a permanent change to their self image as it's perceived by others.
That all being wordily said, I think it's pretty dumb to try to psychoanalyze anyone based on the actual tattoos they have. These are interesting concepts in theory, but people are just so different...I don't know that I'd ever be comfortable making assumptions about this kind of thing with anyone, ever.
Anywho. Long-winded insomnia blabbering over!

I know this is an old post, but I like the subject of this thread because it resonates with me.
@Breakme: I know what you mean about wanting someone to share with. My husband is tattooed, and he loves my tattoos, but he stopped getting ink several years ago. So at least I have someone who appreciates mine and supports me. Although I like being the more heavily tattooed one in our relationship, I wish he would continue getting tattooed. I find them attractive on him, and it also would be nice if we could share the journey, both as active participants.
I try to be pretty private with my tattoos, and like you, none of my friends are tattooed, or even remotely interested. I do wish I had some "tattoo friends" besides my husband. You know…support group…shared interests and experiences, etc. Someone you can go to and say, "Hey! look what I got last week!"

I know this is an old post, but I like the subject of this thread because it resonates with me.
@Breakme: I know what you mean about wanting someone to share with. My husband is tattooed, and he loves my tattoos, but he stopped getting ink several years ago. So at least I have someone who appreciates mine and supports me. Although I like being the more heavily tattooed one in our relationship, I wish he would continue getting tattooed. I find them attractive on him, and it also would be nice if we could share the journey, both as active participants.
I try to be pretty private with my tattoos, and like you, none of my friends are tattooed, or even remotely interested. I do wish I had some "tattoo friends" besides my husband. You know…support group…shared interests and experiences, etc. Someone you can go to and say, "Hey! look what I got last week!"

In the meantime, there is LST. :)

@soraya I hear you, it would be really nice to have someone/s to be able to talk to about recent tattoos without the usual questions from non-tattooed people like "so why did you get a ....... tattooed on you?" or "so you must really love ........ aye!"
We never know who may come into our lives in the future, hopefully we get what we wish for one day :-)

I know this is an old post, but I like the subject of this thread because it resonates with me.
@Breakme: I know what you mean about wanting someone to share with. My husband is tattooed, and he loves my tattoos, but he stopped getting ink several years ago. So at least I have someone who appreciates mine and supports me. Although I like being the more heavily tattooed one in our relationship, I wish he would continue getting tattooed. I find them attractive on him, and it also would be nice if we could share the journey, both as active participants.
I try to be pretty private with my tattoos, and like you, none of my friends are tattooed, or even remotely interested. I do wish I had some "tattoo friends" besides my husband. You know…support group…shared interests and experiences, etc. Someone you can go to and say, "Hey! look what I got last week!"

I know this is an old post, but I like the subject of this thread because it resonates with me.
@Breakme: I know what you mean about wanting someone to share with. My husband is tattooed, and he loves my tattoos, but he stopped getting ink several years ago. So at least I have someone who appreciates mine and supports me. Although I like being the more heavily tattooed one in our relationship, I wish he would continue getting tattooed. I find them attractive on him, and it also would be nice if we could share the journey, both as active participants.
I try to be pretty private with my tattoos, and like you, none of my friends are tattooed, or even remotely interested. I do wish I had some "tattoo friends" besides my husband. You know…support group…shared interests and experiences, etc. Someone you can go to and say, "Hey! look what I got last week!"

I know this is an old post, but I like the subject of this thread because it resonates with me.
@Breakme: I know what you mean about wanting someone to share with. My husband is tattooed, and he loves my tattoos, but he stopped getting ink several years ago. So at least I have someone who appreciates mine and supports me. Although I like being the more heavily tattooed one in our relationship, I wish he would continue getting tattooed. I find them attractive on him, and it also would be nice if we could share the journey, both as active participants.
I try to be pretty private with my tattoos, and like you, none of my friends are tattooed, or even remotely interested. I do wish I had some "tattoo friends" besides my husband. You know…support group…shared interests and experiences, etc. Someone you can go to and say, "Hey! look what I got last week!"

I know this is an old post, but I like the subject of this thread because it resonates with me.
@Breakme: I know what you mean about wanting someone to share with. My husband is tattooed, and he loves my tattoos, but he stopped getting ink several years ago. So at least I have someone who appreciates mine and supports me. Although I like being the more heavily tattooed one in our relationship, I wish he would continue getting tattooed. I find them attractive on him, and it also would be nice if we could share the journey, both as active participants.
I try to be pretty private with my tattoos, and like you, none of my friends are tattooed, or even remotely interested. I do wish I had some "tattoo friends" besides my husband. You know…support group…shared interests and experiences, etc. Someone you can go to and say, "Hey! look what I got last week!"

My wife and I both get tattooed, we give each other money/gift certificates for tattoos as well as saving our on money. I've been there each time she was tattooed but I've been tattooed several times alone.
Being and getting tattooed is something I'm glad we share together.

I see your point @purplelace, but I guess see it a bit differently. I think that tattoos, despite their growing popularity and presence, are still considered by a lot of people as weird. I think that even many untattooed people who are totally OK with tattoos and tattooed people, just don't understand them (e.g. "I don't have any tattoos, and have no interest in getting any, but my wife has tattoos, and I think they actually look good on her. But I still don't understand why she wants to submit herself to the pain and put something permanent on her body.")
In that context, I think when so many people think tattooing is weird, and don't understand the motives, they think there has to be some deeper obscure and complex psychological reason.
People understand why someone would buy a Monet or a Picasso, and if one prefers one over the other and says, "I just like Monet's use of colors," they just accept it. it is within the realm of people's understanding. For many, tattoos are beyond their realm of understanding, so perhaps that is the reason for the search for deeper motivations.

Haven't read the article as of yet, but responding to the extract and replies.
Just my 2d's worth: You can't lump everyone into one group, yes we are all tattooed and we have a love and appreciation for the art but that is where the similarities end. We're all from different age groups, different cultures and countries. And we all have different reasons for getting tattooed.
The person who decides to get something tattooed because they like the design, that reason is no more or less valid than someone who spends years deciding. Likewise it makes no difference if there is a meaning behind the tattoo or not.
It always bemuses me how people try to analyse the tattooed. I haven't heard of someone analysing why people buy (for arguments sake), Monet over Picasso. It's a little bug bear of mine. Yes, a lot of us get tattooed to mark an occasion but some people buy new clothes, shoes or a bag so what is the difference? None, in my opinion. Do these people get analysed? No, I'm sure they don't.
As for idenity, it can be said that people's clothes and/or make up identify them.
Sorry, this reply kind of turned into a rambling/mini rant.

@soraya Oh yeah, some of us are full of all sorts of surprises. My crew tends to be flabbergasted as they see me with glasses, and I talk about uni a lot. So they have all sorts of pre-conceived notions, it's fun to bust them

I like knowing that my flight attendant on my next flight might be covered with tattoos under that cute uniform! :)

My husband and I had been married for a few years when he asked me if I would consider getting a tattoo. He said that he found tattoos on women very attractive and sexy, and after a lot of thought I decided to get one. I will spare the decision-making details now since it i already posted them here:
http://www.lastsparrowtattoo.com/forum/general-tattoo-discussion/546-relationships-tattoos-page32.html#post72275
I decided I wanted a peony on the front of my hip. Although I was happy to get the tattoo, I considered it very private. I was uncomfortable about getting anything that might show, so I picked a location where it would never be visible in public (accept maybe in the locker room at the gym, where I planned, of course, to go to great lengths and convolutions to keep it covered).
The day arrived and I showed the artist my idea. He suggested adding some background to peony - some cherry blossoms, foliage, and decorative elements to give it a Japanese style. That made it much bigger than I had planned - It would be about 4" x 6", which I thought was gigantic at the time! I almost said no because I wanted to keep it small, but it did look much better with the added portions so I said, "Go for it." Part of it was over a bone, and the artist warned me that it might be more painful in that area.
I remember staring intensely at the needle as he was ready to make the first line, and I prepared for the feeling of the needle because I wanted to have a vivid memory of the moment that my skin was changed forever. The needle first touched in a soft area, and the pain was not as bad as I expected, and as he worked for the first few minutes, I thought that this was going to be pretty easy. Then he started working over a bone, and OW! The pain was indeed pretty intense there. But except for the flashes of pain over the bone, the experience was not that bad.
It took about an hour to complete, maybe longer, but I'm really not sure how long it took because I was concentrating so much on what the artist was doing. This was going to be my only tattoo and I saw it as a pretty important life event, so I wanted to mentally absorb every aspect of the experience. About halfway through the session, even the pain over the bone started to melt away, and I started to feel a little euphoric, and I was almost enjoying the feeling. As I watched him add the color, the tattoo began to take a recognizable form, and I started to realize that it was very beautiful - even more so than I had ever imagined. I was glad that we made it bigger than I originally planned. It started to hit me - "It's part of me. I'm tattooed, There's no turning back." I was so glad I had decided to get it - I was almost giddy.
When he finished I looked in the mirror, and I was nearly speechless. I remember saying "Oh Wow...Oh Wow! Its so beautiful!" over and over. I loved it, and I was so proud of myself!
Afterwards we went to a restaurant and and as we ate, I was floating. I was just babbling on and on about how much I loved it, how happy I was that I decided to get it, and how glad I was that he had suggested it, and how pretty it was, and how realistic it looked, and how the pain really wasn't that bad, and how I liked the colors, and how I wondered how the girls at the gym would react, and on, and on, and on... finally when I ran out of breath and words, I blurted out, "I want to get another one!"
That was how I got started! At the beginning of that day I thought I was getting my first and only tattoo. I could have never imagined that I would someday have half sleeves and several tattoos. I'm at eight and counting, and have big plans for much more coverage.

Beez, your post could have been written by me - I feel almost exactly the same way!
Once I got past hubby's request that I get a tattoo and got my first one, I started to become almost obsessed with tattoos. I researched them, learned about their history, and constantly sought out for pictures of them. It was like I had jumped off of a cliff - I was in a free-fall.
Like you, I love looking at my own tattoos - I don't think it is weird to admit (at least to folks who understand!). It has been years since I first got tattooed, but at least once a week when I'm getting dressed or showering, I look in the mirror and say "Wow!" I think my tattoos are beautiful, and I love them. I marvel that my bare skin is no longer visible, has been transformed in to something colorful. I remember the day I started my first half-sleeve, I looked in the mirror and thought "This is the last day my arm will look like this." It sort of gave me goose bumps. I really like that I have made my body the way I want it (well, with my first tattoo, I actually made my body the way my husband wanted it, but I then took over the driver's seat and stomped on the gas).
I also realized that I found his tattoos very attractive - something that I had sort of been denial about before he nudged me into the tattoo world. I think that when I first saw his tattoos, they sort of subconciously cemented his physical attraction to me. I'm really sad that he decided to stop getting them.
Like you I notice tattoos immediately. I find my self looking at untattooed people and thinking thinks like, "Wow, she would look beautiful with a half-sleeve." I really think that a lot of people - particularly women - look incomplete without tattoos!
I really like your scene about "the big reveal!" That would be delicious! Since I'm married, that is not really going to happen with me like that, but we do play a little reveal "game" sometimes. We might be out at a nice restaurant and I might make some movement that exposes part of one of my sleeves, and he will say, "Oh my, I see you are tattooed." And I will say something like "Why yes, as a matter of fact I am...quite extensively, actually." and he will say, "Well, so am I." I say, "Oh really? I'd love to see." And he will say "And I'd love to see yours too." And on and on and we have a lot of fun with it, and sometimes it leads to...ahem...interesting things!
I'm really hoping I can convince my husband to restart getting tattooed. I'd love to see him get at least half sleeves so we could share the experience both ways as I continue on my tattoo projects.

No apologies necessary, Euchild! I probably shouldn't have quoted your original question, which was a fair and thoughtful one. I was really reacting (and maybe overreacting!) to some of the responses to your post.
I reread the responses, and realize I may have read too much into them, thinking that perhaps people were thinking that there was something creepy about my hubby for asking me to get tattooed, and maybe something creepy about me for agreeing. So I got up on my soapbox!
But it has been a topic of interest to me for a while. My response grew out of a thread on another site where a lady wrote that her husband wanted her to get a tattoo, and she had strongly declined. He would not take no for an answer, and kept browbeating her, saying that if she loved him she would do it. She sounded desperate, saying, that she didn't know what to do. She really, really didn't want a tattoo, but she loved him, and was afraid he would leave her, and wondered if if she should do it just to please him.
It sounded so sad, and I thought, how horrible that a person would try to intimidate their spouse like that, and how sad that she was considering doing something that she didn't want to do just to please him. Yet I realized that my husband had asked me to get a tattoo, and I was reluctant, yet I did it to please him! Was he abusing me? Was I a spineless enabler stripping myself of all dignity by agreeing? It made me think hard about the differences between her situation and mine. The big difference for us was that in the end I made the decision for me, as well for him.

No apologies necessary, Euchild! I probably shouldn't have quoted your original question, which was a fair and thoughtful one. I was really reacting (and maybe overreacting!) to some of the responses to your post.
I reread the responses, and realize I may have read too much into them, thinking that perhaps people were thinking that there was something creepy about my hubby for asking me to get tattooed, and maybe something creepy about me for agreeing. So I got up on my soapbox!
But it has been a topic of interest to me for a while. My response grew out of a thread on another site where a lady wrote that her husband wanted her to get a tattoo, and she had strongly declined. He would not take no for an answer, and kept browbeating her, saying that if she loved him she would do it. She sounded desperate, saying, that she didn't know what to do. She really, really didn't want a tattoo, but she loved him, and was afraid he would leave her, and wondered if if she should do it just to please him.
It sounded so sad, and I thought, how horrible that a person would try to intimidate their spouse like that, and how sad that she was considering doing something that she didn't want to do just to please him. Yet I realized that my husband had asked me to get a tattoo, and I was reluctant, yet I did it to please him! Was he abusing me? Was I a spineless enabler stripping myself of all dignity by agreeing? It made me think hard about the differences between her situation and mine. The big difference for us was that in the end I made the decision for me, as well for him.

No apologies necessary, Euchild! I probably shouldn't have quoted your original question, which was a fair and thoughtful one. I was really reacting (and maybe overreacting!) to some of the responses to your post.
I reread the responses, and realize I may have read too much into them, thinking that perhaps people were thinking that there was something creepy about my hubby for asking me to get tattooed, and maybe something creepy about me for agreeing. So I got up on my soapbox!
But it has been a topic of interest to me for a while. My response grew out of a thread on another site where a lady wrote that her husband wanted her to get a tattoo, and she had strongly declined. He would not take no for an answer, and kept browbeating her, saying that if she loved him she would do it. She sounded desperate, saying, that she didn't know what to do. She really, really didn't want a tattoo, but she loved him, and was afraid he would leave her, and wondered if if she should do it just to please him.
It sounded so sad, and I thought, how horrible that a person would try to intimidate their spouse like that, and how sad that she was considering doing something that she didn't want to do just to please him. Yet I realized that my husband had asked me to get a tattoo, and I was reluctant, yet I did it to please him! Was he abusing me? Was I a spineless enabler stripping myself of all dignity by agreeing? It made me think hard about the differences between her situation and mine. The big difference for us was that in the end I made the decision for me, as well for him.

I might have helped open a can of worms when I explained that my husband asked me to get a tattoo.
There is a big difference between your partner making you get a tattoo, and asking you to get one, and there is admittedly a lot of gray area between making and asking. This is quite a delicate subject. I want to be very clear that in my case my husband asked once, with great respect, and made it clear that he would accept "no" if that was my answer. When I finally made the decision to get a tattoo, it was my decision, independently and freely made.
I commented on this issue in another forum on another site (not LST) a while back, and said something like this:
The notion that “it’s my body, and I can do what I want with it,” absolutely has to be the fundamental basis for these types of decisions. However, in a committed relationship, there is an aspect of sharing that I think makes it is more complicated, nuanced, and a delicate than that. In a sense, when you are married or in a committed relationship, your bodies become sort of shared property, although each individual still has absolute sovereignty over their body.
If you truly have a sharing and giving relationship, with open communication, it is not unreasonable for your partner to ask (not force) you to to do something to bring him/her pleasure, whether it be to cook a particular meal, wear a certain article of clothing, get a tattoo, or whatever. However, the key consideration is that your partner can’t expect that you must comply simply because that is what they want.
The the other half of the equation is that in a loving, sharing and giving relationship, I believe that you owe it to your partner to at least consider these requests. In a loving relationship, one should be willing to at least consider stepping out of their comfort zone to please their partner. Maybe after giving it consideration, the you will decide that you are not comfortable with the request and will decline. That’s ok, as long as you gave it fair and serious consideration. Then your partner needs to accept and respect your decision.
I think that this cuts both ways, too. For example, say you want to get a tattoo of a skull with a knife plunged into the top, and blood gushing out of it, in the middle of your chest. Maybe there is something very personally meaningful and symbolic about that image to you. But lets say that your partner finds that image very violent and extremely disturbing. Now, it is still is certainly your right to get that tattoo if you want. After all, it is your body, right? But do you really want to get a tattoo that will make your partner wince every time he/she looks at you for the rest of your life? Is that really how you want your relationship to be?
Remember, you made a commitment to each other, and sometimes that means giving up a little something of yourself for the greater good of the couple. The key is that when you decide to give up a little something of yourself, you must make those decisions - freely, openly, and with out coercion, or intimidation.

I might have helped open a can of worms when I explained that my husband asked me to get a tattoo.
There is a big difference between your partner making you get a tattoo, and asking you to get one, and there is admittedly a lot of gray area between making and asking. This is quite a delicate subject. I want to be very clear that in my case my husband asked once, with great respect, and made it clear that he would accept "no" if that was my answer. When I finally made the decision to get a tattoo, it was my decision, independently and freely made.
I commented on this issue in another forum on another site (not LST) a while back, and said something like this:
The notion that “it’s my body, and I can do what I want with it,” absolutely has to be the fundamental basis for these types of decisions. However, in a committed relationship, there is an aspect of sharing that I think makes it is more complicated, nuanced, and a delicate than that. In a sense, when you are married or in a committed relationship, your bodies become sort of shared property, although each individual still has absolute sovereignty over their body.
If you truly have a sharing and giving relationship, with open communication, it is not unreasonable for your partner to ask (not force) you to to do something to bring him/her pleasure, whether it be to cook a particular meal, wear a certain article of clothing, get a tattoo, or whatever. However, the key consideration is that your partner can’t expect that you must comply simply because that is what they want.
The the other half of the equation is that in a loving, sharing and giving relationship, I believe that you owe it to your partner to at least consider these requests. In a loving relationship, one should be willing to at least consider stepping out of their comfort zone to please their partner. Maybe after giving it consideration, the you will decide that you are not comfortable with the request and will decline. That’s ok, as long as you gave it fair and serious consideration. Then your partner needs to accept and respect your decision.
I think that this cuts both ways, too. For example, say you want to get a tattoo of a skull with a knife plunged into the top, and blood gushing out of it, in the middle of your chest. Maybe there is something very personally meaningful and symbolic about that image to you. But lets say that your partner finds that image very violent and extremely disturbing. Now, it is still is certainly your right to get that tattoo if you want. After all, it is your body, right? But do you really want to get a tattoo that will make your partner wince every time he/she looks at you for the rest of your life? Is that really how you want your relationship to be?
Remember, you made a commitment to each other, and sometimes that means giving up a little something of yourself for the greater good of the couple. The key is that when you decide to give up a little something of yourself, you must make those decisions - freely, openly, and with out coercion, or intimidation.

I might have helped open a can of worms when I explained that my husband asked me to get a tattoo.
There is a big difference between your partner making you get a tattoo, and asking you to get one, and there is admittedly a lot of gray area between making and asking. This is quite a delicate subject. I want to be very clear that in my case my husband asked once, with great respect, and made it clear that he would accept "no" if that was my answer. When I finally made the decision to get a tattoo, it was my decision, independently and freely made.
I commented on this issue in another forum on another site (not LST) a while back, and said something like this:
The notion that “it’s my body, and I can do what I want with it,” absolutely has to be the fundamental basis for these types of decisions. However, in a committed relationship, there is an aspect of sharing that I think makes it is more complicated, nuanced, and a delicate than that. In a sense, when you are married or in a committed relationship, your bodies become sort of shared property, although each individual still has absolute sovereignty over their body.
If you truly have a sharing and giving relationship, with open communication, it is not unreasonable for your partner to ask (not force) you to to do something to bring him/her pleasure, whether it be to cook a particular meal, wear a certain article of clothing, get a tattoo, or whatever. However, the key consideration is that your partner can’t expect that you must comply simply because that is what they want.
The the other half of the equation is that in a loving, sharing and giving relationship, I believe that you owe it to your partner to at least consider these requests. In a loving relationship, one should be willing to at least consider stepping out of their comfort zone to please their partner. Maybe after giving it consideration, the you will decide that you are not comfortable with the request and will decline. That’s ok, as long as you gave it fair and serious consideration. Then your partner needs to accept and respect your decision.
I think that this cuts both ways, too. For example, say you want to get a tattoo of a skull with a knife plunged into the top, and blood gushing out of it, in the middle of your chest. Maybe there is something very personally meaningful and symbolic about that image to you. But lets say that your partner finds that image very violent and extremely disturbing. Now, it is still is certainly your right to get that tattoo if you want. After all, it is your body, right? But do you really want to get a tattoo that will make your partner wince every time he/she looks at you for the rest of your life? Is that really how you want your relationship to be?
Remember, you made a commitment to each other, and sometimes that means giving up a little something of yourself for the greater good of the couple. The key is that when you decide to give up a little something of yourself, you must make those decisions - freely, openly, and with out coercion, or intimidation.

I might have helped open a can of worms when I explained that my husband asked me to get a tattoo.
There is a big difference between your partner making you get a tattoo, and asking you to get one, and there is admittedly a lot of gray area between making and asking. This is quite a delicate subject. I want to be very clear that in my case my husband asked once, with great respect, and made it clear that he would accept "no" if that was my answer. When I finally made the decision to get a tattoo, it was my decision, independently and freely made.
I commented on this issue in another forum on another site (not LST) a while back, and said something like this:
The notion that “it’s my body, and I can do what I want with it,” absolutely has to be the fundamental basis for these types of decisions. However, in a committed relationship, there is an aspect of sharing that I think makes it is more complicated, nuanced, and a delicate than that. In a sense, when you are married or in a committed relationship, your bodies become sort of shared property, although each individual still has absolute sovereignty over their body.
If you truly have a sharing and giving relationship, with open communication, it is not unreasonable for your partner to ask (not force) you to to do something to bring him/her pleasure, whether it be to cook a particular meal, wear a certain article of clothing, get a tattoo, or whatever. However, the key consideration is that your partner can’t expect that you must comply simply because that is what they want.
The the other half of the equation is that in a loving, sharing and giving relationship, I believe that you owe it to your partner to at least consider these requests. In a loving relationship, one should be willing to at least consider stepping out of their comfort zone to please their partner. Maybe after giving it consideration, the you will decide that you are not comfortable with the request and will decline. That’s ok, as long as you gave it fair and serious consideration. Then your partner needs to accept and respect your decision.
I think that this cuts both ways, too. For example, say you want to get a tattoo of a skull with a knife plunged into the top, and blood gushing out of it, in the middle of your chest. Maybe there is something very personally meaningful and symbolic about that image to you. But lets say that your partner finds that image very violent and extremely disturbing. Now, it is still is certainly your right to get that tattoo if you want. After all, it is your body, right? But do you really want to get a tattoo that will make your partner wince every time he/she looks at you for the rest of your life? Is that really how you want your relationship to be?
Remember, you made a commitment to each other, and sometimes that means giving up a little something of yourself for the greater good of the couple. The key is that when you decide to give up a little something of yourself, you must make those decisions - freely, openly, and with out coercion, or intimidation.