Major Depression/Anxiety 5 weeks post-tattoo - Support Needed

[LAwalk]

I'm new to the forum, but have been following along several threads similar to mine. I've found them to be very reassuring, and am leaning on the support of the community for some direct words of encouragement.

For context, I am a moderately tattooed person who has had a previous freakout about one other tattoo. To this day I'm not in love with that piece and would do it differently/not at all if I could, though I have made my peace.

Back in February I started a back piece and was pretty thrilled and immediately comfortable with the initial piece. I could have left it as is, but returned for a second session about 5 weeks ago to wrap the design more around my sides/ribcage. The artist is incredible, the work is amazing, so what’s my problem?

The overall shape and fit is somewhat different from the concept we roughed out during consult. Maybe I didn’t have as much time to process the new design. I also think I was emotionally unprepared to have my waist area tattooed and some weird body stuff is coming up (the original concept sat above and below the waist but didn’t really touch it). It’s probably also a shock how much the original profile has been altered, as well as seeing so much of my body wrapped. Also worth noting, the new work has not fully settled, and is still darker than the original piece.

About 7-10 days after the tattoo (same timeline as before) I went into full blown crisis mode. Started therapy, medication, and the whole deal.

I do find that my perceptions and attitudes towards it are fluid/shifting. When I am obsessive, I will pick a different thing to obsess about or think is wrong. Other (rarer) times, I feel good about, and really understand the artist’s vision, and why it’s cool on my body. Then I return to doubting, and obsessing.

Every time I feel good about it, I’m very reassured that ok, cool, long-term I’m going to be happy with it and just need to adjust and sort out my chemical and emotional imbalances. But my negative feelings can hold a lot of power, and I have a ton of fear and anxiety that long term I’m just not going to like it (or have a similar relationship to it as the other tattoo I had an issue with).

Note: overall, I do feel a lot more positive emotions about this tattoo that the one I was never thrilled with.

Would love your words of advice, experience, and encouragement. Happy to DM photos if helpful. Thank you all in advance.

[soderpopzzz]

you don't like it because of how it looks or because how much your body is covered?

[LAwalk]

12 minutes ago, soderpopzzz said:

you don't like it because of how it looks or because how much your body is covered?

 

More that I keep obsessing that the shape is "wrong" from certain angles, and doesn't fit my body the way I envisioned. 

Edited May 21, 2021 by LAwalk

[soderpopzzz]

can you post a picture? 

6 minutes ago, LAwalk said:

 

More that I keep obsessing that the shape is "wrong" from certain angles, and doesn't fit my body the way I envisioned. 

 

[LAwalk]

10 minutes ago, soderpopzzz said:

can you post a picture? 

 

DMed you, thanks

[oboogie]

Don't get anymore tattoos. You're not cut out for it. Good luck.

Edited May 24, 2021 by oboogie