Colored Guy

Wow, I really like it. Great that you are in the right shop.

Sounds like a good idea going to the support group. Do you have someone to help you with the mundane stuff while you are grieving?

I looked up a support group that meets in the fall and spring, you have to be 3-months under your belt first. I have lots of help, people drop off food, offer to help me around the house which I am accepting. Having our first family party this weekend and it'll be weird as hell I'm sure.

Big hugs @Colored Guy, and deepest sympathies. Thanks for sharing your journey here, and I hope you can find comfort in the days to follow.

I think I'm doing worse now than last week, the finality is creeping in slowly. There is so much to do when someone else dies, I can't even imagine who is going to clean up after me, but I should start getting rid of my things soon. Hospice has a support group that is local, I may take advantage of that just to get out and talk to others in the same boat.

I was talking to my lawyer not too long ago and the subject of someone I may know came up (one of his high-profile clients...) that was huge into the drug scene as a international smuggler. Sure I knew the guy in school.. turns out the guy is dead. I thought a bit and realized that anyone I knew that was associated with hard drugs is now dead. I'm glad I knew when to call it quits.

I get the guilt too, but I justify it since I finance them out of my spare money, even a few bucks here and there adds up. I'm pretty frugal about spending anything on myself otherwise. I dug deep into my tattoo stash last year when my son's car needed a repair and he was a bit short. Never told my wife, I just did it for the kid.

Rob

My pretty Molly took a turn for the worse and was back in the hospital yesterday. She is home now, with a DX of the worst pancreatic carcinoma around. We'll have to say goodbye soon, and taking it day by day, but we only have a few days left.

This is the worse part of being owned by a pet. Letting them go when they need to, rather than when we are ready to.

Sad... guess its not just for humans. I'm sure she appreciates you being there for her. I'm still in awe of how a pet totally grows on us. I'm maybe 35 years between cats so the feeling is relatively new to me again.

Rob

From my experience, on larger tattoos especially, some touch up is expected. After the healing is done, they should make time to accomodate touching it up for you, usually at no cost. I usually have older work touched up when I have new work done.

Rob

I'd like that too, but all the artists I've gone to show me their sketch the day the tattoo is being done. Not sure what is the norm.

I suppose there is no set norm, but earlier is always better than later. I've drawn up some complete tattoos or part of them myself, all we needed to do is cut the stencil and get going. This is why I like the days of flash on the wall. You knew exactly what you were getting up front.

I'm super curious about something a couple people have mentioned. Is it common to be asked by a partner to get a tattoo?

I asked my wife a few times over the decades if she wanted one and she always said no. Which is fine with me, some people are just not into them.

With my recent experiences, I will not have anything put on me unless it is in a stencil-format and I like it enough to proceed to the tattooing stage. Minor changes along the way is one thing, sometimes things lead to another which is fine with me.

In the past, I have rejected artwork before the stencil was cut at great risk to offending the artist and we came up with another plan. In this case, the artist really was not listening to what I wanted and didn't take into consideration all the reference material that I left with them. But we pulled it off in the end and we were both happy. This is why I like to see the artwork a week or 2 in advance of the appointment.

Rob

Obviously this is your choice, but if you ever decide to return to sobriety, it may be helpful to go to AA meetings. I know some people who have never had a problem with alcohol manifest, just drugs, but find the AA meetings more helpful. Also, it takes a while to find a meeting or group of people you click with. I don't know if these are the issues you are dealing with, but I know so many people drop out because they don't feel like they fit in with the ideals or people in the groups. But that's so far from the truth... When they say "it works if you work it" what that means to me is that you mold the program to your individual beliefs and needs. I have a friend who does not believe in God or anything like that, so instead replaces GOD with Group-of-Drunks and turns it over to his friends in the program.

I don't want to sway you, just providing some literature in case you decide to give it another whack. You're always welcome to PM me, etc. It took my husband a good 4 years of going to the rooms and outpatient on and off again before it finally stuck. Were celebrating 7 months tomorrow. Every time you come back you're stronger.

I could have not said it better. I've seen AA work for people that had dual addictions, not saying it applies to you, but you may be more comfortable there. I like the group-of-drunks thing, I never heard it before and it makes a ton of sense.

Remember kids! always, and I mean always! hold your hands at the steering wheel at 10 & 2.

It's the only safe way to hold a smoke and a bottle of beer safely whilst driving.

It's funny how the world changes, and we obviously know the dangers of drink driving & shit...but fuck, I remember when we was young...hooning down gravel roads doing 100, sliding the ass end out whilst learning to roll a smoke at the wheel all at the same time....without a care in the world. Oh, until it all goes wrong.

We all drove like that back in the day. I had a beer holder screwed to the driver's door on all my cars for a while. I have no doubts in my driving ability while gravely impaired, but I have no confidence in the morons who try to run into me for some reason. So now I drive a lot safer and limit myself to a set amount of drinks and surely no smokables.

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It finally happened, my wife passed away on 6/13. Me and my one son were with her and also my sister in law who was a dear friend of hers. She was not responsive at all the last few days in hospice, but we all told her we loved her and said other nice things.

I had her cremated as she wished, it was in her will if anyone wanted to see it. A few in her family were surprised that there was no viewing, but she didn't want that and wanted to be remembered as she looked in better days. I made the arrangements with my sister in law who has been a great strength all along.

Everything went as well as could be expected. I'm still in awe of the turn out Monday night at the funeral home. Many flowers, mass cards were sent. It was SRO, people had to wait in the lobby to pay their respects. We ran out of memorial cards (had 150) and the parking lot was full. Again, I'm one of those guys who could never say a bad word about their wife. We almost made 31 years together, 13 days shy.

Today I'm getting the house back in order and will go back to work tomorrow just to keep my mind busy. I have a memorial tattoo for her in mind and will have it done along with some other work in the fall.

This completely flies in the face of all the talk of sobriety here, but it looks like I'm going to be teaching a course on beer tasting in the fall.

Then I should be teaching a course on things like breathing....

Rob

Going back to 1975-1980, you really had to ferret out an artist who would do a face tattoo. Most would not do anything above the collar and even hands.

Rob

I remember getting divebombed every time I walked past a certain house as a kid, but it wasn't a crow. Regardless, it still scares the crap out of me. I don't know what I'd do if crows continually attacked me.

Once when I was really little, I remember a goose biting my mom. I'm always wary of them when I run by this pond near my house.

Good luck out there.

Most birds are territorial as hell if they have a nest and you get too close.

We have those winged-shit-factory geese all over the place now. They migrated down one winter and some of them liked the scene and stayed. One place I drive by, all I see now is them out an about with the little ones for the past few weeks. Cute, but give them some space.

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I remember getting divebombed every time I walked past a certain house as a kid, but it wasn't a crow. Regardless, it still scares the crap out of me. I don't know what I'd do if crows continually attacked me.

Once when I was really little, I remember a goose biting my mom. I'm always wary of them when I run by this pond near my house.

Good luck out there.

Most birds are territorial as hell if they have a nest and you get too close.

We have those winged-shit-factory geese all over the place now. They migrated down one winter and some of them liked the scene and stayed. One place I drive by, all I see now is them out an about with the little ones for the past few weeks. Cute, but give them some space.

Thank you @TrixieFaux, @ironchef, @scubaron.

Tests were inconclusive. We're taking her for emergency surgery in the morning. I have to drive 4 hours to get home tonight. So please keep her in your little animal prayers - she's mommy's little girl.

Wishing you both the best... I would be even more shattered right now if anything happened to my Chloe.

.... I think if you have extensive coverage, an understanding of the culture by your partner is a "must." As you move toward becoming heavily tattooed, it can seem easy - you get one, get another, get a quarter sleeve, extend it to half, well, gotta balance it with something on the other arm, etc. Before you know it, you are heavily tattooed. But I think it is easy for us to loose track of how that is perceived by others. I mean, getting half of your body covered in ink, with all of the requisite pain, and possible negative public reaction can be really hard for the average person to get their arms around - it is kind of mind boggling. So having a partner that understands why a person would want to do such a thing is important. Even though an untattooed partner can come to accept your tattoo passion, I really think that he/she has to have experienced the urge and felt the needle several times to truly understand your motivation.

My wife always went along with me being the only one us having tattoos. Sometimes when money was tight she'd want to know where I got the funds for 4 hours of chair time, but I really have no other hobby and I work hard.

I almost stopped getting more ink by 2005 and was considering having the worst of it lasered off... but landed in the right shop with the right people and took off from there. My side of the family, almost all of us have 1 or more tattoos. Think only my 2 brothers and sister don't have any. My one son, niece & nephews.. well covered. My wife's family.. zero tattoos and they don't understand the culture. It would be like explaining the color blue to someone that has been blind since birth.

Been seeing a lot of clock and owl tattoos for some reason.. all in the same tattoo. Anchors are all over the place too.

And the simple answer to that is: the next right thing. If you stick around I'm sure you'll start picking up the lingo :)

There are tons of little sayings in 12-step programs. One I recall is to make 30 meetings in 30 days, which keeps you too busy to be doing what brought you there. I can still recite The Lords Prayer. They were big on getting me a sponsor, which I never got since all I wanted to do is get my license back.

Rob

Bluejays are assholes, and they never shut up!

They have such an unusual call, so when I hear one I look for it. I now see them in smaller groups of 2 or 3 as opposed to seeing 50 of them at a clip. I'd love to see more of them, although they are an aggressive bird. They fall into the 9" length from head to tail. Most other birds are 5-7".

Went to an NA meeting in SF tonight. It was marked an atheist meeting, but they still had the traditional 12 steps. Seemed odd. Anyway, I went, introduced myself, and heard the stories, all of which I related to in a very deep way. The speaker held the room without any seeming effort, and I enjoyed what he had to say about changing the way one views life. One word of advice, and I can't speak for all NA meetings, but do not drink the coffee at NA meetings. It was beyond scalding and there was only powdered creamer and refined sugar. What possessed me to drink it in the first place is beyond me. Took one sip and politely set the styrofoam cup under my chair. After the meeting, I took some of the pamphlets, and chatted with one of the members about taking the first step and how he was working on his higher power. After the meeting, I took it upon myself to get lost for an hour and a half trying to find my car. Just got home and wrote this post. Going to a meeting tomorrow, perhaps with my sister's boyfriend, who has attended meetings before. Yay me.

There's really no way around the 12-step format, just take what you need out of it. I took some AA meetings as part of a DUI conviction many years ago and had to attend and get a booklet signed saying that I was there. And the coffee was all you said. Someone did bring in milk though.

I got 2 brothers, both self-admitted hardcore alcoholics and both sober for many years. I have to be careful myself with just about any substance that crosses my path. One day at a time.

Rob

Before DDT virtually wiped them out, Blue Jays were a real aggressive entity. They're bigger than most birds and tended to hang out in large groups. I recall my cat slinking across the back yard with numerous 'Jays divebombing him until he got in the house. I see more of them now than in the past 30 years, their call is quite distinct especially if I haven't heard it for a long time.

Yup, nothing like illness and weddings to make family members go apeshit.

In the end game, I'll have to let a lot of things go or make my self crazier than I already am. I don't have to be buddy-buddy with a lot of these people, not that I ever was. My immediate family, some people really have shown themselves to be wonderful beyond measure. Also my wife's friends have been the same way. I'll have a few people to really count on in the coming months.

I'm doing okay though. Eating on the run is something you have to do sometimes. Some of us went out to a local diner for lunch yesterday. Nice to eat at a table with utensils. I'm learning how to let people help me.

Some of her family are avoiding me, I had a beef with her dad over his conduct at the hospital and hospice. Really uncalled for behavior no matter what. Her sister sided with him but everyone else is behind me and my decisions 100%. Things like this brings out the best and worst in people.

I've had a relative in hospice recently too, and it is grim, despite everyone's best intentions. I hope she's being well cared-for. Best wishes to both of you.

Yeah, nothing really pretty about it and they do have a high turnover. But she's comfortable and the staff couldn't be any nicer.

I was there with my son the other night and we left close to 10 PM. Ran into a collection person from a funeral home, my son asked if that was the grim reaper... yup. When they take someone out during the day, they close all the doors to the rooms during the process.

I'm trying to be there and do things at home too... family chases me out now and then, I do need a break. Got some gardening done at home, had my sprinklers turned on and played with the pool a bit. People drop off meals for us at the house. The local support is amazing.

Haven't cooked a full meal in a month, been doing burgers, leftovers, Subway and of course blowing through vast amounts of beer.