taking on Scott's advice, i thought i'd post a blog on a site that none of my co-workers will come across, and that is something i need to get off my chest:
i hate my job.
there, i said it. i hate my job. i don't hate my co-workers, i don't hate working in a museum, i don't even hate our museum, despite it's ever growing list of disfunctions. i just hate my job. i absolutely hate it.
i hate that i am constantly stressed out while i am at work. i hate that i have to deal with others who do not treat me like a person, but like a machine (outside from our museum). i hate that i am one person stuck with the tasks that could easily form 3 full time jobs. i hate that i have never been reviewed, never even heard the word "raise" in the 3 years i have been here, that i work full time but receive part time benefits, and that i do not have the opportunity to move up to a different position, even when i have been more than qualified (and have applied) to do so. i hate that i wake up in the morning with a churning feeling in my gut, wondering who is going to be upset with me today since i couldn't make their deadline because of the work load i have, and feeling just as stressed out as i do at the end of the day, and my day hasn't even begun. i hate this job.
so, i feel that it is time to look for a new job, potentially a career change even. i feel terrified going off the only beaten path that i have known for the last 4 years of my life (and at 25, that's a large chunk of my life). i have always been the person to have a plan, and i am finally at a junction where i simply do not have one. i don't know what the next move should be. for the first time in my life, i do not know which direction to take. i feel lost.
lately, all i can day dream about is making art (and no this is not leading into a paragraph of how i want to become a tattoo artist). i keep seeing photos, lino and woodblock cuts, photographic quilts, illustrations, paintings, and other various things in my head, but lacking the energy or the time to complete them. i'm also taking on a baking internship (one day a week, on my weekend), and have been offered a job as a paid baking apprentice, working with my roommate Davey.... once he opens up his bakery (which is sort of in the works but i have no idea how far off, and there's no way i could afford my bills on a job less than what i get paid now). i keep thinking, if could build a website or etsy store, and get my momentum going, then maybe i'd have enough to supplement my income, but by the end of the day, i'm so exhausted, none of this seems to come to fruition. and then i feel frustrated, at myself, at my job, at my life. this, obviously, doesn't help.
so i guess i'm writing this hoping that maybe i can get some advice, or at least a fire under my ass, to get me moving in the right direction. i by no means think i have it bad. i have a roof over my head, and food to eat, good friends and family, an amazing partner, and projects and organizations that i volunteer with (i'm trying to cut back, but these things actually make me feel productive). i just feel that i'm in a rut with work, and i need some help getting out. any ideas?