Relationships and tattoos

[CaptainMidnight]

I'm definitely not heavily tattooed, but I have more work than average, and am in the process of getting quite a bit more. My girlfriend has no tattoos, nor does she plan on getting one - and is both supportive and excited about my tattoos - she encourages me to get more and is really into the art aspect. From her perspective she thinks they're hot and that I need more. From my perspective I don't care so much about whether or not she gets any done - if she gets work, great and I'll support it. If she doesn't it changes nothing.

[scubaron]

Curious, what is considered light, average, heavy ?

[TrixieFaux]

Curious, what is considered light, average, heavy ?

For heavily tattooed, see @Mick Weder. :D

[SeeSea]

Curious, what is considered light, average, heavy ?

Maybe some kind of tattoo-BMI. That would put those without any tattoos in the "anorexic" end of the scale :-)

[scubaron]

Yeah, the extremes of light and heavy are kind of easy. :o

[OutOfIdeas]

I think it can also depend on how spread out they are. A person with tattoos spread all over tends to look more heavily covered (to me atleast) than someone with the same square footage, but placed solely on, say, the back. Or both arms. But I consider "heavily" as anything over approximate 50% or so. Way above the average person

[misterJ]

Maybe some kind of tattoo-BMI. That would put those without any tattoos in the "anorexic" end of the scale :-)

sooooo... are we trying to be morbidly obese?

[Euchlid]

I'm super curious about something a couple people have mentioned. Is it common to be asked by a partner to get a tattoo?

[Fala]

Not in my relationship, and I'd never ask a partner to get a tattoo. It's not my style. Now, if there's interest then I would encourage.

[El Dolmago]

I'm super curious about something a couple people have mentioned. Is it common to be asked by a partner to get a tattoo?

Even though hubby and I are respectably ;) tattooed - he heavier than I, and we do encourage/ enable each other, we would never ever ask the other to get a tattoo. Speaking for myself I'm really respectful that it is not my body. Even if I may not like every design my husband chooses I need to respect and keep my hands off/ opinions to myself on whatever he choses to have tattooed, and vice versa. Though it's great having a partner that understands and enjoys tattooing we are really respectful of each other and how personal tattooing is.

[CaptainMidnight]

I'm super curious about something a couple people have mentioned. Is it common to be asked by a partner to get a tattoo?

Not for me - I wouldn't ask someone else to get one, and I've never been asked. At least in my relationships that would seem odd.

[soraya]

I'm super curious about something a couple people have mentioned. Is it common to be asked by a partner to get a tattoo?

I might have helped open a can of worms when I explained that my husband asked me to get a tattoo.

There is a big difference between your partner making you get a tattoo, and asking you to get one, and there is admittedly a lot of gray area between making and asking. This is quite a delicate subject. I want to be very clear that in my case my husband asked once, with great respect, and made it clear that he would accept "no" if that was my answer. When I finally made the decision to get a tattoo, it was my decision, independently and freely made.

I commented on this issue in another forum on another site (not LST) a while back, and said something like this:

The notion that “it’s my body, and I can do what I want with it,” absolutely has to be the fundamental basis for these types of decisions. However, in a committed relationship, there is an aspect of sharing that I think makes it is more complicated, nuanced, and a delicate than that. In a sense, when you are married or in a committed relationship, your bodies become sort of shared property, although each individual still has absolute sovereignty over their body.

If you truly have a sharing and giving relationship, with open communication, it is not unreasonable for your partner to ask (not force) you to to do something to bring him/her pleasure, whether it be to cook a particular meal, wear a certain article of clothing, get a tattoo, or whatever. However, the key consideration is that your partner can’t expect that you must comply simply because that is what they want.

The the other half of the equation is that in a loving, sharing and giving relationship, I believe that you owe it to your partner to at least consider these requests. In a loving relationship, one should be willing to at least consider stepping out of their comfort zone to please their partner. Maybe after giving it consideration, the you will decide that you are not comfortable with the request and will decline. That’s ok, as long as you gave it fair and serious consideration. Then your partner needs to accept and respect your decision.

I think that this cuts both ways, too. For example, say you want to get a tattoo of a skull with a knife plunged into the top, and blood gushing out of it, in the middle of your chest. Maybe there is something very personally meaningful and symbolic about that image to you. But lets say that your partner finds that image very violent and extremely disturbing. Now, it is still is certainly your right to get that tattoo if you want. After all, it is your body, right? But do you really want to get a tattoo that will make your partner wince every time he/she looks at you for the rest of your life? Is that really how you want your relationship to be?

Remember, you made a commitment to each other, and sometimes that means giving up a little something of yourself for the greater good of the couple. The key is that when you decide to give up a little something of yourself, you must make those decisions - freely, openly, and with out coercion, or intimidation.

[Euchlid]

I might have helped open a can of worms when I explained that my husband asked me to get a tattoo.

There is a big difference between your partner making you get a tattoo, and asking you to get one, and there is admittedly a lot of gray area between making and asking. This is quite a delicate subject. I want to be very clear that in my case my husband asked once, with great respect, and made it clear that he would accept "no" if that was my answer. When I finally made the decision to get a tattoo, it was my decision, independently and freely made.

Soraya, I apologize if my question made it sound like I thought you were made to get a tattoo. I really honestly just meant whether others have been asked/suggested to get a tattoo. Because I already had a bunch of tattoos before I met my husband I just never even thought of it. But I suppose if I was dating a "plain skin" I might suggest the same, especially if my partner hadn't really put any thought into the matter before. I'm so used to stories of people not liking their partner's tattoos I never really thought of it the other way around.

[soraya]

Soraya, I apologize if my question made it sound like I thought you were made to get a tattoo. I really honestly just meant whether others have been asked/suggested to get a tattoo. Because I already had a bunch of tattoos before I met my husband I just never even thought of it. But I suppose if I was dating a "plain skin" I might suggest the same, especially if my partner hadn't really put any thought into the matter before. I'm so used to stories of people not liking their partner's tattoos I never really thought of it the other way around.

No apologies necessary, Euchild! I probably shouldn't have quoted your original question, which was a fair and thoughtful one. I was really reacting (and maybe overreacting!) to some of the responses to your post.

I reread the responses, and realize I may have read too much into them, thinking that perhaps people were thinking that there was something creepy about my hubby for asking me to get tattooed, and maybe something creepy about me for agreeing. So I got up on my soapbox!

But it has been a topic of interest to me for a while. My response grew out of a thread on another site where a lady wrote that her husband wanted her to get a tattoo, and she had strongly declined. He would not take no for an answer, and kept browbeating her, saying that if she loved him she would do it. She sounded desperate, saying, that she didn't know what to do. She really, really didn't want a tattoo, but she loved him, and was afraid he would leave her, and wondered if if she should do it just to please him.

It sounded so sad, and I thought, how horrible that a person would try to intimidate their spouse like that, and how sad that she was considering doing something that she didn't want to do just to please him. Yet I realized that my husband had asked me to get a tattoo, and I was reluctant, yet I did it to please him! Was he abusing me? Was I a spineless enabler stripping myself of all dignity by agreeing? It made me think hard about the differences between her situation and mine. The big difference for us was that in the end I made the decision for me, as well for him.

[Colored Guy]

I'm super curious about something a couple people have mentioned. Is it common to be asked by a partner to get a tattoo?

I asked my wife a few times over the decades if she wanted one and she always said no. Which is fine with me, some people are just not into them.

[HaydenRose]

I've asked my husband a few times if he would ever be into getting one. I find he is most intrigued when we are in an actual tattoo shop, but it usually boils down to him not wanting to spend that kind of money on a tattoo (especially since he knows how much it costs from watching me spiral into debt :eek:). I think if someone else was funding his tattoos (probably me) he would be covered, but he will always prefer to spend his money on drum equipment... and food.

[keepcalm]

@HaydenRose, I sympathize with your husband! My list of expensive things I want/need is too long for my own good, and every time "a tattoo" bubbles up to the top of it, I feel some guilt, haha!

[Colored Guy]

I get the guilt too, but I justify it since I finance them out of my spare money, even a few bucks here and there adds up. I'm pretty frugal about spending anything on myself otherwise. I dug deep into my tattoo stash last year when my son's car needed a repair and he was a bit short. Never told my wife, I just did it for the kid.

Rob

[Euchlid]

I dug deep into my tattoo stash last year when my son's car needed a repair and he was a bit short. Never told my wife, I just did it for the kid.

Rob

That's really nice that you dipped into the tattoo piggy bank to help out your son.

I have an actual piggy bank (well, it's a Chinese lucky cat bank), when I get a pretty good paycheque I go and take out 100$ or something and stash it in there, if I try to mentally compartmentalize my savings into tattoos, and other stuff I get lost, so having tangible cash for tattoos is a much better way for me to save up. When I had my last sleeve done I asked for gift certificates from the shop for my birthday, it was awesome how a bunch of my friends pooled together for a gift :)

As for my husband and I, we keep our finances mostly separate so we save for our tattoos independently of each other. That's why I want to get most of my legs done before we have kids, then I'm sure we'll actually need to budget for things haha. Sometimes I forget how easy two incomes no kids is. Props to all you guys with kids and continuing tattoo projects.

[Colored Guy]

That's really nice that you dipped into the tattoo piggy bank to help out your son.

I have an actual piggy bank (well, it's a Chinese lucky cat bank), when I get a pretty good paycheque I go and take out 100$ or something and stash it in there, if I try to mentally compartmentalize my savings into tattoos, and other stuff I get lost, so having tangible cash for tattoos is a much better way for me to save up. When I had my last sleeve done I asked for gift certificates from the shop for my birthday, it was awesome how a bunch of my friends pooled together for a gift :)

As for my husband and I, we keep our finances mostly separate so we save for our tattoos independently of each other. That's why I want to get most of my legs done before we have kids, then I'm sure we'll actually need to budget for things haha. Sometimes I forget how easy two incomes no kids is. Props to all you guys with kids and continuing tattoo projects.

I'd never hear the end of it if I took $400 out of the bank for fixing my son's car... so best to bite the bullet and do what was right. We always mixed our money, I do side work that pays my weekly expenses so my tattoo funds were out of that. If my wife needed money for something that came up, it came out of my stash too. Any gift for her came from that as well.

[Mick Weder]

I had a mate a while back now bust my balls because of the extent I have myself tattooed, saying he could never justify the amount of $ spent for such a selfish interest.

It kinda blew me away a bit, & the only reason I engaged the conversation is because we grew up together.

A) you don't know how much I spend, you only guesstimate going by average "shop hours"

B) I don't go out pissing my money against the wall

C) my family are provided for, kids are schooled, clothed, fed, dance, swimming, martial arts, piano, violin, orchestra, swimming ...the list goes on...all paid for.

Isn't it fucked how people feel they have the right to call you out on your priorities when all they see is what they see sitting in front of them.

It's like another dude I know said riding a motorcycle is a selfish mode of transport. Like, WTF? How can that be selfish when my 11 & 9 year olds and Mrs love riding with me.

I think we only feel guilty sometimes because it's pushed upon us by fuckers who should be looking in their own back yard before commenting on ours.

[Graeme]

@Mick Weder I can't speak about your mate, but I feel the people I've gotten the most incredulity about the money I spend on tattoos are exactly the same people who will drop thousands of dollars on a fucking 4K TV or whatever so they can watch Extreme Couponing or whatever heap of fucking shit in razor sharp definition on a screen the size of their wall, because new technology!

I've never spent any money I don't have on tattoos, and I don't feel any guilt for the money I've spent on them.

[tatB]

@Mick Weder @Graeme people are the worst. Friends/family will criticize our tattoos but random strangers at the grocery store or out on the street will compliment us.

[Euchlid]

@Graeme HI DEF COUPONS

obviously worth it.

I usually tell people I spend less than 100$ on hair and makeup per year (respectively). Also, I work hard and make pretty good money so whatever!

[Breakme]

When did "selfish" become the new catchcry for living your life how you choose and doing things you love?

I'm apparently very selfish for choosing not to have children and spending all my money on me, and was also labelled selfish when I had my motorbike too (OMG you'll fall off and DIE! So selfish!)

People need to live and let live, and mind their own damn business.