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a while ago we had this girl in getting her first tattoo and while waiting her turn she started eating a whole packet of biscuits and lots of coffee. we did warn her it was too much and too sugary and to slow down, she just said she knew what she was doing so we just left her to it. suffice to say half way through her (small) tattoo, she vomited EVERYWHERE without any warning, projectile vomiting style. all over the work bench, the tattooers shoes, herself, everywhere. barely had any time to push a bin under her face.

so anyway the worst bit was watching her scoop out the vomit from between her ample cleavage and from between her thighs (she wore low cut top and a tiny mini skirt). ick

another one was when a couple came in so that the girl could her her clit hood pierced. he wanted to be in the room so the female piercer said alright. they go off do their thing and we hear a wee muffled ouch from the girl, next i see the guy walking out of the room asking where the bathroom was, i said right next door to him. i looked away for half a second and next thing i know i see his legs lifting into the air cartoon style as he passes out head first into the bathroom.

luckily for him he missed the toilet bowl by an inch, otherwise we would have had to call an ambulance!

my personal fave will always be the guy who passed out slowly whilst talking to me as i tattooed him, he sounded like he was running out of batteries! so funny, he was a champ and laughed about it afterwards. bless him!

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So all these people passing out and doing weird shit stories reminds me of one. i was tattooing this fairly tough looking black dude with a name or something on his back. About halfway through he lifts his head from the chair and is beaded with sweat. I ask him if he is ok...no response...yo dude you alright?...just staring blankly ahead. Now i am thinking fuck, this is weird and i have someone grab him some water, which he doesn't take or anything and now you can tell he is faded his head is bobbing up and down. So i think well i have one of those ammonia/smelling salt packets and crack it under his nose... the dude made an EWWW face and then proceeds to try and stand up which he falls back i get him to the ground. now laying on his back he must think he is trying to get away from someone because his is "running" while on his back. seconds after that he came to, and i think i bummed him out because after he was back to normal i was laughing, but more of dude that was the weirdest shit nervous feeling.

I also had a friend of mine do the same type thing except he tried to fight me while he was in the weirdo dimension. i had to hold him down until he knew who i was. jeez.

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Well i love these stories, i would say i was tattooing for like 2 months and i was doing a chest tattoo on this guy and i was done he jumped up as fast as he could looked in the mirror was super happy, i turned around to get my stuff to wrap him up and he passes out head first into my table. things went flying machines ink everything everywhere as he convulsed on the floor his girl friend is hold him yelling at me "WHAT DID YOU DO!" i was so i shock i just kinda stood there not sure what to do he finally came to and was fine. no blood just a giant mess to clean up. i look back and laugh to this day.

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i wish mine was funny but i guess that would depend on how warped some of u fuckers are. i was in between appointments and some older guy comes in looking real stressed out. so, in my head im like here comes the bullshit. so he asked who does portraits and of course the dude i work with points at me. so i start to help the guy and hes acting real strange but i keep the convo moving well. he eventually shows me the picture and im like oh ok so this guy is upset that hes got a black grandchild(he was a seemingly well off white dude) so i try to explain to him that since the pic was of a new born baby there wasnt much unique features and that he should wait till the baby was older... i went on to try to explain the lack of features like, "there are only slits for eyes and barely a nose" but when the baaby got older he/she would be more identifiable as his kid grandkid whatever. long story short the guy storms off unhappy with what i said. calls my boss screaming and cursing that i was a racist unsensitive scumbag cause the baby in the pic.... was his dead, turned black from decay, half asian baby and that the slits for eyes comment was a dig at his asian wife who wasnt even present during the convo.

so yeah :/ thats the worst for me ever.

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i wish mine was funny but i guess that would depend on how warped some of u fuckers are. i was in between appointments and some older guy comes in looking real stressed out. so, in my head im like here comes the bullshit. so he asked who does portraits and of course the dude i work with points at me. so i start to help the guy and hes acting real strange but i keep the convo moving well. he eventually shows me the picture and im like oh ok so this guy is upset that hes got a black grandchild(he was a seemingly well off white dude) so i try to explain to him that since the pic was of a new born baby there wasnt much unique features and that he should wait till the baby was older... i went on to try to explain the lack of features like, "there are only slits for eyes and barely a nose" but when the baaby got older he/she would be more identifiable as his kid grandkid whatever. long story short the guy storms off unhappy with what i said. calls my boss screaming and cursing that i was a racist unsensitive scumbag cause the baby in the pic.... was his dead, turned black from decay, half asian baby and that the slits for eyes comment was a dig at his asian wife who wasnt even present during the convo.

so yeah :/ thats the worst for me ever.

damn, that's harsh!

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It's was f'd for sure and it's one of those things u can't forget

Jesus christ. Bummer for you. He could've stopped you while you were talking and set the record straight at ANY time, sounds like he just needed an excuse to vent his anger. Huge bummer for you, but maybe his dumping on you via telephone prevented him from knocking out some kid bagging his groceries later that day.

Just out of curiosity, did this happen before or after tattoo reality television?

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.

Just out of curiosity, did this happen before or after tattoo reality television?

this happened about 5 1/2 years ago, while i was working on long island... and it was definitely after the reality tv explosion. everyone i worked with back then concluded, not only cause of this, that long island clients def wanted some sort of "miami ink experience"

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I had a guy come in a couple weeks ago saying "my brother tattoos, and he does all my tattoos, but I want a tattoo on my crotch, not on my junk, just right above it, and I was wondering if you would do that" so I was like " yeah man, I won' t tattoo your dick, but i will tattoo right above it" and he was like " awesome" looked around and said " is there anywhere more private to do it ( we have an open bay type shop) and I replied " I don't need you to take your pants and underwear completely off to do it" he turned around and left. Haven't seen him since. Weird.

Had another guy come in wearing a robe the other day and glasses with a little sign on them that said " Jesus is lord" who asked if any of us " will finish a pair of shorts". I try to figure out what he is talking about and he shows me his ass which is tattooed solid black like a pair of daisy dukes. According to him they are all the rage in Europe, and once you have them you don't need to wear shorts...... Fucking aye.

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i had this guy come in when i worked in ennis, ireland. he wanted a cover up of his old girlfriends name with his new girlfriends name, of course. the girlfriend is present while we talk. i try to convince them that they should maybe get something to symbolize the relationship, since he's already had a mistake put on him once before. she seems to think that's a good idea. we look at him, he's not having it. the girlfriend leaves, and we get ready to make the tattoo. her name was something i wasn't familiar with, so i ask him how to spell it. he doesn't really know, and is just telling me to do whatever i think. eventually he calls her to ask how to spell her name. retarded.

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Seems like alot of these storys are when people we're apprenticing.. Well in that respect my story's the same, This was maybe my 5th tattoo in the shop i apprenticed at. I was tattooing a friend of mine that i knew from a boxing / kickboxing gym in the mission district of San Francisco back in 2001, I am maybe 30 minuts into this tattoo and some big guy comes into talk to my boss (it was just him & i that worked in the shop) So no big deal right?.. They go outside & i continue tattooing listening my Sepultura Arise cd blasting on the shop stereo. I am all consumed by this tattoo trying to make everything as perfect as i could When the guy im tattooing says he thinks something happening outside, So i stop and look up over the partition i didnt see shit so i get back on the tattoo then a couple seconds go by and i hear my boss yelling for me to "GET THE GUN!!" so i tell the guy im tattooing to stay there & i grab the big ass long barrell .45 revolver we had in shop, I'm on my way to head outside to see what the hell is going on when The guy i was tattooing asks me where the phone is, he's going to call the cops.. So i give him the phone & get the gun again. Then the guy i was tattooing says "whats the address here!??" i put the gun down AGAIN pull a card off the wall give it to him, as soon as i turn around there's 6 guys running into the shop two of them already have knives out and the damn gun is on the chair about 10 feet away from me with the hammer back.. These guys we're already striking distance away from me with knives out yelling this and that b.s. and im thinking to myself "ok this sucks but if it comes between me getting stuck with this knife or them seeing the 45 on the chair i got to make a move for the gun" i look over at my friend the kickboxer he's standing there like a statue, & instead of maybe getting ready to fight, or worrying about them stabbing him in the neck or stomach.. He has both of his hands over his balls.. hahaha even in that situation i remember thinking to myself w.t.f is he doing and finding it really funny. So anyways the boss comes running into the shop all bloody from getting jumped outside there's a couple other guys running after him so finally there's my distraction.. I make my move for the gun everybody see's me doing it, they bolt out of the shop going faster than they did coming in i give the gun to my boss i grab a hammer and we run after these guys as soon as we get outside he starts shooting.. unloaded the revolver.. These guys are understandably running like bats out of hell scattering everywhere.. Well no one got shot and after dealing with the cops and all that mess i finished up my 5th shop tattoo.

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I guess the most crazy thing that happened to me was when I was left alone to work the shop while the rest of the crew went to Sturgis, and had to do a forced death head coverup. I won't explain what that means to those that don't know already, but lets just say it was pretty nerve wracking. I was a pretty inexperienced tattooer at the time. Thank God it was pretty uneventful, unlike the stories my boss told my about similar situations in the past.

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I guess the most crazy thing that happened to me was when I was left alone to work the shop while the rest of the crew went to Sturgis, and had to do a forced death head coverup. I won't explain what that means to those that don't know already, but lets just say it was pretty nerve wracking. I was a pretty inexperienced tattooer at the time. Thank God it was pretty uneventful, unlike the stories my boss told my about similar situations in the past.

Whoa! That's pretty gnarly. I have a good friend who got most of his tattoos in high school from a family friend who was a Hell's Angel. Two of his club duties were applying the logo (with a homemade rig) and removing the logo (and not with a cover-up).

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Whoa! That's pretty gnarly. I have a good friend who got most of his tattoos in high school from a family friend who was a Hell's Angel. Two of his club duties were applying the logo (with a homemade rig) and removing the logo (and not with a cover-up).

"Not with coverup" Daaaamn!

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Waiting for one of my first tattoos, while a teenager in Belfast, I watched as a huge american guy, built like a tank, fainted as the needle touched his shoulder.

The knarly tattooist took his c*ck out and put it in the guys mouth as another artist took a poloroid photo.

The whole shop was laughing as the artist winked and told me that I was up next. I started shaking !!

Thankfully I did not pass out, but always have a quick glance when I am at an new artists just in case they have a poloroid camera lying about.

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During my apprenticeship a gentleman in his 60's came in and requested a chrysanthemum tattoo on his lower abdomen. Right above his cash and prizes. I was not skilled enough at that point in time to tackle something so complicated, so it was up to my boss to do the job. The client had an obvious personality disorder, but was lucid and capable enough to get tattooed. He stated that he was a woman and wanted to get the tattoo to "show everyone at church that I am female and to respect me as such". He also stated " Don't worry about seeing my penis, I cut it off with a bread knife when i was 15."

My former boss agrees to do the tattoo, prepares for it and behind the partition they both go. After about 30 mins. the autoclave dings and as the apprentice it is my job to deal with all things autoclave, which means I gotta vent it. The autoclave is located on a counter behind the partition.

I step behind the autoclave and glove up and take a quick glance over my shoulder, and there it is.....just a pair of balls....No Penis, Just Balls.... It was a wierd kinda shock that hit me, I've seen people missing limbs, digits etc. I mean we all have....But seeing Just Balls, it hit me like ice water, immediate shivers. I seriously thought this old guy was f*cking around and being a typical street weirdo....nope...dead serious. Needless to say, as soon as my day was up at the shop I made a beeline into the bar across the street and stumbled out a few hours later. *shivers*

Also on a side note, why the f*ck did my former boss make this guy drop his pants to his knees to do a lower abdomen tattoo?

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