Relationships and tattoos

[TrixieFaux]

@beez you are beautiful and I agree with everything that has been said in response to your post.. Sounds like he has some growing up to do. Meanwhile, of course it hurts, but now he can get out of the way of you finding a more meaningful relationship...when you are ready.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[sophistre]

I think what would bother me about it, @beez, is that behind it there's an element of 'how you look when you're older will matter more to me than who you are as a person.' It would bother me that someone would think ahead to the point when I might not be young and fit and attractive and just cross me off of the list because some part of me may not age gracefully, in their opinion. That some nebulous future involving my aging body might matter more to them than the years until then, or all of the years we'd already shared.

And that's crazy, isn't it? Nobody has any guarantee of aging gracefully (and obviously tattoos look pretty goddamn rad on older people, but I get that this is a subjective opinion). We're all going to get old and wrinkly and whatever else. It's just life.

When I decided to get tattoos, I told my mother that if I lived my life with the ultimate goal of being bangable at 60/70/80, then I'd have surely fucked up somewhere along the way. If I'm hot and older, so be it, but what I want to be at 60/70/80 is interesting.

I agree with everybody else -- I think he's saved you some time, and maybe even some worse heartbreak down the road. It doesn't make it any less bitter, I know. It's a very myopic position for him to take, imo, but at least he was honest about it. He'll have to own that in the years to come, for better or worse.

[polliwog]

You are clearly a beautiful and intelligent person, and that sounds very hurtful. My partner was sitting across from me on my laptop as I was reading your post - knowing that he doesn't like tattoos, I asked him what he thought about your friend's statement. He looked baffled for a moment and then said, "What the fuck? Why would anyone say that?" So this person doesn't need to be into tattoos, but he does need to not be an asshole about it.

In a broader sense, I think we're deluding ourselves a bit if we think we have any idea of what our partners are going to look like as we get older. Not to be morbid, but accidents happen and limbs are lost, faces are scarred - people have stayed with their lovers through much worse than an aging tattoo. Yet, for instance, the Internet loses its shit if a woman ages the "wrong" way (trying too hard to look young, looking too old, etc etc etc).

[Mark Bee]

@beez I'm really sorry you had that experience. That must have been very painful and confusing. Sigh.

[beez]

Thanks guys. You are all right - and I knew that already, but the reinforcement is good. I appreciate the love, all! Thanks!

[Lance]

Wow! Sorry to hear this happening to you @beez. I'm sure it stung even more so since you knew him for so long. To turn it positively, (and I understand it's easier for me to say "turn it positively") you now know just how much an insensitive ass he can be. It's better for you to know now than get back together with him and not know.

[xcom]

@beez, That sucks and I am sorry that you had to experience such pain. Pardon my intrusion but who ever he is/was he is a douche and does not deserve you.

[Breakme]

What a kick in the guts @beez. Really sorry to hear you have had such a shock response from someone who is meant to be very special to you. It is a very odd thing to say though. Perhaps he is worried about being forever cast in the shadow of your spotlight when you are 80+ years old and everyone wants to talk to you about your amazing tattoos from "back in the day". :D

[RoryQ]

@beez

Ironically, for a guy who was the one who brought up marriage, his concerns highlight that he's thinking in pretty superficial terms, right?

At least you know the score now...

[Pugilist]

@beez - Everyone else has said what needs to be said, but I just wanted to chime in with some love and support - that is a stupid, shallow, hurtful thing to say to someone you care about. It is always a very painful experience to find out that someone we held in high esteem is not the person we thought they were, but man, that was some garbage. And I am sorry someone you love was so cruel to you. Xo.

[BigGuns]

... I'm new here and have been lurking a while. I'm so sorry Beez, that someone was so awful and didn't put your feelings first with the hurtful words. Ugh. As for this post, I am married and my husband has no tattoos. I only have 2 AND am getting a new one this week (Yes!!!), but he has always kind of had a gentle curiosity about them but no desire to get one in a serious capacity. He says he might if he found something he really wanted but I doubt it. It hasn't really made the least bit of difference to me or him that I know of but I wonder if deep down he doesn't understand why I'm getting new tattoos at 40. I think maybe he lives vicariously and is just content to let me be the tattooed one. Either way I know he would never tell me not to get one and I wouldn't ask... it's my skin and it makes me happy and that's something he loves so it's a win-win. Lucky I guess.

[soraya]

So sorry @beez. This was incredibly insensitive and shallow, and it must have been heartbreaking coming from someone you “thought” you knew. He could have let you down easy without playing the tattoo card. He could have politely declined your offer for a date. Or, he could have respectfully said said, “I’d like to keep our relationship on the friendship level.” But instead he stuck in the knife, choosing a rationalization that basically slammed every door to the future. If he had thought about it for 15 seconds, he had to know he statement would hurt you deeply.

Perhaps the sting of the tattoo thing that you are feeling could be because he didn’t just reject you, he also chose to attack something that is central to your being, part of your physical body and your persona, that you can’t - and wouldn’t - change.

I tend to be super-analytical, so here goes…

My theory is that although plainskin people know that tattoos are permanent, I don’t think they fully understand the psychological meaning of that. To many of us, our tattoos are not just pictures on the body; they are our body, no different than our hand, or ear, or breast. And in some ways tattooing may be even more meaningful than those “natural” body parts, because we chose to make them part of our body, forever. I think that untattooed people may have difficulty understanding what that means to us.

Perhaps they think that since we chose to put them there, they are not really legitimately a part of us physically or psychologically, and thus fair game for for criticism. This is consistent with the classic insensitive comments many have heard, ad nauseam.

Consider the statement that your “friend” made, but change one word (I hope I don't offend, but I’m trying to make a point). Most (but sadly not all) people would never say “I could never marry you because you breasts aging would be a problem for me.” But they will say (as your friend did), “ I could never marry you because your tattoos aging would be a problem for me.” But to we tattooed women, our tattoos are as much a part of us as our breasts.

[Colored Guy]

Shoot, I just turned 60 and I'm still in the game. I have had old faded work done over, same tattoo just with a new paint job and they look great. I've had older work expanded upon. I've broken new ground this year too. So aging tattoos.. a total cop out.

[Suiren]

I have 15 piercings, 5 of them in my face and have 9 very small tattoos, most on my wrist/ hands. I have never been with anyone tattooed or pierced and most of my partners did not like it. Except one.

I think I prefer no piercings on a guy and not too many tattoos haha..I'm a hypocrit.

[s3rndpt]

Apparently, tattoos seem to rub off in my relationship...since I started getting more, my husband has decided he wants some now, and has been going through laser hair removal on his back and upper arms (because he thought people would laugh at him if he was fuzzy and had tattoos??) in preparation to what is looking more and more like a trip to Copenhagen in December to an artist whose work he loves.

[KBeee]

Soooo, I had a thought recently that Hubbs should let ME chose his back piece tattooer and subject because I was the one who was going to see it ALLLL of the time and vice versa. He didn't go for it. But isn't that just the most practical and wonderful idea y'all have ever heard? I could wake up to a giant Horitomo Kanon EVERY morning! I'm certain it would make me a better spouse.

[mtlsam]

Soooo, I had a thought recently that Hubbs should let ME chose his back piece tattooer and subject because I was the one who was going to see it ALLLL of the time and vice versa. He didn't go for it. But isn't that just the most practical and wonderful idea y'all have ever heard? I could wake up to a giant Horitomo Kanon EVERY morning! I'm certain it would make me a better spouse.

That actually makes a great deal of sense when viewed in a certain light;) Your life partner should definitely approve and appreciate the art you choose to get.

[knucklehead211]

Exactly, at least you're all about it! I was telling my gf about how I want to do a back piece at some point... which led to how I want to be suited up at some point... not a fun conversation lol. I actually led with "man, calves are easy. I'm more worried about my knees... or my ass cheeks!" and she was like "WHAAAT!!? Don't do anything to your ass!!" haha. The next night of course she told me she'd love me tattooed or not... can't tell if that's a go ahead or the exact opposite!

[rufio]

Exactly, at least you're all about it! I was telling my gf about how I want to do a back piece at some point... which led to how I want to be suited up at some point... not a fun conversation lol. I actually led with "man, calves are easy. I'm more worried about my knees... or my ass cheeks!" and she was like "WHAAAT!!? Don't do anything to your ass!!" haha. The next night of course she told me she'd love me tattooed or not... can't tell if that's a go ahead or the exact opposite!

Go ahead, but make sure u have backup flowers and chocolate.

[xcom]

Go ahead, but make sure u have backup flowers and chocolate.

+1 on this. It works! :D

[Andy TBS]

I'm heavily tattooed and a tattooer, and my girlfriend of five years is not tattooed. We are polar opposite people, but it works great. She's super supportive of my career, of my tattoo choices, and all of our friends are tattooed. It's almost like she's the rebel these days.

[Dan]

Shoot, I just turned 60 and I'm still in the game. I have had old faded work done over, same tattoo just with a new paint job and they look great. I've had older work expanded upon. I've broken new ground this year too. So aging tattoos.. a total cop out.

yep ! I agree,I'm 55 now,been getting tattooed since 1983,back in those days you just picked a piece of flash off the wall,I have a lot of old work,some brand new ones,and many in between all these years,and they all look good IMO,and I have more planned.

my wife didn't have any tattoos when we got together 10 years ago,she has one small leg piece now.she has always liked my tattoos.

[Joey Ryan]

I got my first tattoo when i was dating a girl who had a tattoo.. i wouldnt say she convinced me, it just seemed like a good time. But i broke up with her and i am now dating a girl who said tattoos arent for her, but she likes mine, and doesnt mind that i want to get lots more.

i guess time will tell.. we're pretty different in some ways but still get along great!

[LizBee]

My husband has zero piercings or tattoos, and I have both. He's into Jimmy Buffett and I'm into the Dead Kennedys. He accompanies me to punk shows (what's left of them these days) and to the tattoo parlor, and supports whatever I'm into. Our next anniversary will be 25 years! Opposites attract sometimes...

P.S. I took him to a Buffett concert last year for his birthday and had to walk out to the parking lot. Could. Not. Take. It. He's a much better spouse than I!

[IzzyBizzy]

My husband has only 1 old stick and poke he did himself when he was 15. Barely visible at this point but he would like to get it covered up eventually since it's an ex-girlfriends name. It doesn't bother me at all.

I've got 4 tattoos, a nose piercing and of course my ears. He thinks my tattoos are beautiful and supports me in my decision to modify. I find tattooed men hella attractive so I'd be down with him getting ink. Then again, he's attractive as is.